The Wizard of RAW
by wrestlefan4
Summary: Beth feels unappreciated and disrespected on RAW. Vince tells her to find a place where there isn't any trouble. But trouble is coming their way via a twister! Beth wakes up and finds herself in Oz! Beth,Santino,Kane,Cena,Noble,Shane-O,Jericho,Flair other
1. Chapter 1

_The Wizard of RAW…Oz meets WWE! (by the way, I actually found a copy of the script of Oz online so I am following the movie…but it's WWE style. I'm not going to follow it religiously however, as Beth ends up in Oz and meets Scarecrow, Tinman, Lion and journeys to Oz it will get funnier, I promise! Some of the lines I have the WWE characters saying are very close to original lines or are actual lines from the movie. The thing that has been most fun for me while writing this is changing the songs to make them lol-able. I can't wait until you read the songs for Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion. I hope they make some of you lol. So here is the story!_

Chapter 1

Tonight RAW was filming at and arena in Kansas. Inside that arena Beth Phoenix ran down the hallway and stopped. Santino trailed closely behind her hanging his head a bit and looking sad and sullen like a little puppy. Beth stopped and turned to him. Her platinum hair was pulled back into two sunny pony tails that hung down her back. She wore a blue and white checked shirt which she had rolled up and tied the bottom of it in a knot to reveal her midriff. With this she wore tight jeans and black heels. She watched down the hallway to make sure he wasn't coming after them.

"He isn't coming yet, 'Tino. Did he hurt you? He tried to, didn't he? Come on—we'll go tell Adamle and McMahon." Beth wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and stroked his hair. "Come on, 'Tino."

Santino gave a slight whimper and followed Beth down the hallway.

"Mr. Adamle, Mr. McMahon!" Beth hollered as she spied the two men squabbling and squawking over something. "Mr. M, Mr. M!"

"I'm telling you Adamle--" McMahon began, his brows bunching in annoyance at the other man.

"Just listen to what Shane-O did to 'Tino!" Beth said cutting in between the two men and stroking Santino's hand.

"Beth, please, we're trying to discuss something here." McMahon growled.

"Don't bother us now Beth, this is important business with myself and Vince." Adamle put in.

Beth looked a bit distressed that the two men were ignoring her. They began to go back to their bickering.

"I—I understand but, oh, Mr. M! Shane just hit 'Tino in the back with a chair just because he got in Shane's office and was looking through his things."

"Beth, please!" Vince shot her a hard glance.

"But 'Tino doesn't do it all the time, and he's too dumb to figure anything out anyway! Now Shane say's he's going to call the police and--"

"Beth!" Vince turned to her with a bark. "Beth, we are busy!" He boomed inching closer to her. His eyes glimmered with annoyance.

"Alright." Beth finally sighed, defeated. Beth slinked away from the two men with Santino wandering behind her. In the back stage area Beth saw three men warming up before tonight's RAW show. Jamie Noble was struggling to lift some heavy weights. Nearby stood Kane and John Cena who watched the scene.

"How am I doin'?" Jamie managed to grunt out as he strained with the weights.

"Careful Jamie, don't strain yourself." Kane warned.

Suddenly, one of the weights rolled out from Jamie's hand and landed with a thunk on John's foot.

"Ow!" John drew his foot up and hopped around holding it. "Right on my foot!"

"Well you should have moved your foot out of the way!" Kane growled.

Beth approached the three men and stood with her hands on her hips.

"Right on my foot!" John repeated bending and massaging his hurt toes.

"Lucky it wasn't yer head boy." Jamie laughed with a grin.

"Jamie, what am I going to do about Shane? Just because 'Tino--"

"Listen Beth, Jamie Noble's got some things to do before the match tonight. Gotta go out t'the ring and get a little last minute practicin' in." Jamie curled up his arm in a flex and tapped a finger against the muscle, as though Beth was supposed to be impressed.

"Now, look Beth." John butted in to the conversation. "You're not using your head against Shane. You'd think you didn't have any brains at all."

Beth snarled at John and threatened to step on his already sore foot.

"I do too have brains!"

"Well, why don't you use them? Just keep Santino with you and don't go near Shane. Santino won't go snooping in his office and you won't get into trouble. See?" John said proudly, as though he had just solved world hunger. He crossed his arms over his muscled chest.

"Oh, Cena, you just don't listen!" Beth rolled her eyes.

"Well, your head isn't made out of straw you know." John retorted and tapped the side of his head.

Beth sighed and walked away from John. Jamie made his way out of the backstage area and up to the ring to get in some last minutes practicing. Beth stopped when she saw Kane rubbing at his knee. He groaned and lowered his frame onto a metal chair.

"Feels like my joints are rusted." He muttered. He rubbed at his knee and looked up, seeing Beth there. "You listen to me Beth, don't let Cena kid you about Shane-O. He's just a sour-face spoiled brat at that." Kane stopped and looked around to make sure McMahon didn't hear his negative comment about his son. "He doesn't have a heart, you know?" Kane studied Beth's face. "You should have a little more heart Beth, and take some pity on him."

"Well, I try to have a heart." Beth mumbled casting her eyes downward.

Kane reached for his bag with his wrestling tights inside and pulled his hand up. It was smeared with a dark smudge.

"Oil…that's what I get for riding to the arena with Taker on his bike." Kane mumbled. Beth left the bald man to himself and left the backstage area and walked out to the ring. Santino hoisted himself up onto the barricade between the first row of seats and the ring area. He scratched at his ear like a flea bitten mutt. Beth made her way to the ring where Jamie was practicing moves.

"Listen 'ere Beth, you ain't gonna let that swine Shane make a fool outta ya, are ya?" Jamie asked as he bounced around the ropes. "He ain't nothin' to be afraid of. Have a little courage, that's all."

"I'm not afraid of him." Beth said as she climbed the turnbuckle.

"The next time he squawks, walk right up t'the guy and spit in his eye, that's what I'd do." Jamie said as he paid little attention to Beth who was balancing on the turnbuckle and more attention to his own practicing. Beth let out a shriek as she lost her footing and toppled backward. Jamie jerked his head up just in time to see her fall, and he quickly ran to the other side of the ring and ducked under the ropes and knelt to where Beth was lying on the floor groaning. Jamie quickly helped her up and then sat on the edge of the ring mopping his brow.

"Are y' alright Beth?"

"Yeah, I think I'm okay. I just fell." Beth rubbed at the small of her back and sat next to Jamie on the apron. Kane, John, Adamle, and McMahon had all wandered out to the ring and had seen Beth's spill and Jamie's reaction. "Jamie, you're more scared than I was!" Beth exclaimed with a little laugh.

"What's wrong Jamie, you gonna let one little fall rattle you like that?" John said with a smirk.

"Look at you Jamie, you're white as a ghost." Kane laughed.

"What's all this jabbering when I have a show to run?" McMahon growled at the group. "I know three bone-headed superstars that are gonna be out of their jobs if they don't get their asses moving."

"Well, Beth was up on the turnbuckle see--" Kane started but was interrupted by Vince.

"I saw what happened, now get moving!" Vince ordered.

"Vince, one day I'm going to be a hall of famer. Then you won't be able to talk to me like that!" Kane declared while wagging his finger at his boss.

"Yeah, and maybe they'll just make a statue in tribute to you Kane." Vince laughed with sarcasm. "But I wouldn't start posing for it now." Vince clapped the big bald man on the shoulder. Kane glared at Vince before jerking away from his hand and ambling away from the ring.

"Vince, y'see Beth here was up on the turnbuckle and she just kinda toppled off." Jamie explained.

"I get it. You guys shouldn't be out here right now anyway."

"Yes sir." Jamie cast his eyes downward. Beth turned to Vince, figuring now maybe she could get a word to him about his son.

"Mr. M, do you know what Shane said he was going to do to 'Tino? He said--"

Vince stopped the blond woman with an interjection.

"Beth, you're just imagining things. You always get yourself all worried over nothing."

"No--" Beth tried, but again her words were usurped by interruption via Vince.

"Now Beth, why don't you just help all of us out and find some place where you won't get in to any trouble!" Vince growled at her. Beth hung her head as Vince walked away from the ring. He seemed to treat her like an annoying little kid. She was not respected, she may as well have been a joke to him. Her problems didn't matter. All the other superstars had already left, leaving her and Santino by herself. 'Tino just sat on the wall swaying his feet back and forth happily like a dog wagging its tail as a sign of its ignorant bliss.

"Some place where there isn't any trouble." Beth sighed as she slipped under the ropes and walked aimlessly around the ring in thought. 'Tino hopped down from his perch on the wall and soon sat himself on the apron. He looked up at Beth with wide eyes and continued to swing his feet back and forth.

"Do you suppose there is such a place 'Tino? I suppose there must be..." Beth trailed off in thought as she leaned against a turnbuckle and looked up thoughtfully to the rafters above. "It's not some place you can get to with a car or a plane, it's like some silly place…" A smirk danced on her lips as she thought of someplace where she couldn't get into trouble. "I think I found it once when I was with Hardy, Rainbow." Beth closed her eyes and began to sing softly.

"Somewhere, when I was with Rainbow, one fine night….there's a land that we went to once when we both got high. Somewhere, when I was with Rainbow, was so surreal, and the things that our heads did dream really seemed unreal. Someday I thought I'd be a star and wake up where the troubles were far behind me! Where tears would melt and never drop and the cheers of fans would never stop that's where you'd find me." Beth hung her head a bit and felt a tears hang on her lashes. She reached her hand between the ropes where 'Tino was looking up at her and she ran her hand over his hair lovingly. "Somewhere, over the rainbow, dreams don't die…some fly over the rainbow, why oh why can't I? If happy little diva's fly beyond the rainbow, why oh why can't I?"

With that Beth sighed and slipped out of the ring. She exited the arena area as 'Tino trailed behind her, cocking his head and wondering to himself…when did Beth get high with Jeff?

Shane-O stormed out of his office and down the hallway. He was on his way to meet his father and discuss the matter of Santino poking around in his office. Shane came upon Mike Adamle backstage with Beth and Santino near by.

"Mike!"

"Hey Shane."

"Have you seen my father? I have something we need to discuss." Shane barked. "About them." He jerked a thumb at Beth.

"What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? Can't you see the bruise on my face?" Shane pointed to his cheek where one could only see a faint dark patch if you strained hard enough.

"Oh, you mean she hit you?" Adamle peered at Shane's cheek thoughtfully, not seeing any bruise.

"No, her boyfriend!" Shane tried to explain.

"Oh." Adamle crunched his brows together in confusion at the younger McMahon. "You mean she hit Santino?"

Shane rolled his eyes and then glared at Adamle.

"No."

Shane was glad that he now spotted his father approaching the group. Maybe something would now be done about this heinous act.

"They are a menace to RAW!" Shane announced with vehemence as his father approached. The older McMahon looked over to Beth and Santino. Beth narrowed her eyes to slits and walked toward the group when she overheard that they were being talked about. Shane turned to Santino and poked a finger at his chest. "I'm calling the sheriff on him and having him arrested. Then I want him suspended!"

"Suspended!" Beth shrieked. "'Tino? Oh no, you can't! You can't do it Mr. Adamle! Mr. M, you won't let him do it will you?" Beth tugged at Vince's sleeve begging.

"Uh, erm, of course we won't, will we M?" Adamle said this as more of a question to Vince rather than a promise to Beth.

"If you don't Dad, I'll make your life a living hell. There are laws protecting people from such abuse!" Shane-O stomped his foot angrily.

"Well, what if Beth keeps a tighter leash on Santino here?" McMahon suggested. "He's not that threatening really—unless he's around a threatening person that is."

"I'll just let the police decide then. They can see my face." Shane crossed his arms over his chest, he was bound to get his way.

"But--" Beth stuttered.

"Well, we can't go against the rules Beth." Adamle said, a bit sorrowfully. He really didn't like Shane-O very well and he didn't see the harm in him getting his chops busted a bit. But obviously Shane didn't share the same feelings.

"I'm afraid Santino will have to be suspended." Vince stated. Santino's face dropped and he slouched like a canine that knows he's in trouble.

"No!" Beth nearly cried.

"Now you see reason." Shane smiled to Adamle and Mr. McMahon. He motioned towards a security man who stepped forward. "I'm having this man escort him out so he can't hit me again."

"No! Don't have him arrested, please don't have him suspended, I'll hit you myself!" Beth snapped taking a large stride towards Shane. Vince pushed her back gently.

"Beth!"

She narrowed her eyes to angry slits and her mouth disappeared into a tight line. She felt tears sting at her eyes.

"You wicked bitch of a man! You ass!" Beth tugged on 'Tino's arm as the guard handcuffed him. "Adamle, don't let them take 'Tino! Mr. M, please!"

The guard cuffed Santino and began to lead him away. Beth looked through her tears first at Mr. McMahon, then at Adamle. She then turned on her heal and ran away to the locker room. McMahon shrugged and walked off leaving Adamle and Shane-O.

"Shane McMahon," Adamle started with a scowl. "Just because you own half the world shouldn't mean you can control us all! I've waited a long time to tell you what I think of you…but being that you're the boss's son, well, I can't say it!" Adamle turned and stomped away to his office leaving a smirking Shane.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Little did Shane-O know, out in the parking lot 'Tino was fighting with the security officer. The big dumb rent-a-cop didn't tighten the cuffs enough, and Santino slipped out of them and bolted back towards the arena.

Beth lay on the bench in the locker room crying. Suddenly Santino burst through the door panting. He flopped down on the bench next to her and she sat up to hold him in excitement.

"Oh, 'Tino darling!" She hugged him tightly. "You came back! Oh, I'm so glad baby…but they'll be looking for you. They'll come back any minute! We've got to get out of here so they can't find us!"

Beth slung her bag with her ring gear over her shoulder and she and 'Tino sneaked out of the arena. They walked through the front doors and out to the entrance of the building where the crowd was thinning because most were now inside milling around or sitting in their seats. Beth spied some tables set up outside where t-shirts, photos, and various WWE merchandise was being sold. Behind the tables was a small pop up camper which was decorated elaborately with glitter, sparkles, and sequins. Beth and 'Tino walked around the tables trying to avoid the glances of the staff selling the merchandise. Beth stopped at the gaudy trailer and read a sign:

THE AMAZING JERICHO

ACCLAIMED BY JERICHOHOLICS EVERYWHERE

HE WILL READ YOUR PAST, FUTURE, AND PRESENT IN HIS CRYSTAL

Beth heard humming from inside and assumed that it was Jericho. She shook her head and began to approach. Jericho heard approaching footsteps and stopped the visitors before they could enter.

"Wait, wait a minute!"

Beth and 'Tino stopped.

"Visitors, no? Now who might you be? No no, don't tell me!"

Beth moved on and 'Tino followed her reluctantly. She climbed into the trailer. She almost laughed when she saw Jericho's get up. He was seated and roasting a hot dog on a skewer over a space heater.

"You are traveling in disguise! No, erm…uh…that's not right. You uh, you're uh…going on a visit. No! That's wrong, you are…running away from something." Chris smiled knowing this time he was correct.

"How did you guess Chris?" Beth asked cocking her head slightly at the man. He was one weird guy. He sat cross legged in the trailer and he wore baggy pants that shimmered purple and blue. His shirt was an opened vest that was covered in dazzling green sequins. Atop his bleached hair was a turban of tie-dyed material.

"Ah! The Amazing Jericho never guesses, he knows!" Jericho answered triumphantly. "Now, why are you running away from something? Ah, don't tell me!" He studied Beth's face before answering. "The company doesn't appreciate you, they don't understand do they? You want to be respected! You're tired of being a joke." Jericho then turned to Santino. "And that ass did something stupid."

"It's just like you could read me like a book." Beth sighed.

The readings of the Amazing Jericho was interrupted when 'Tino reached out and grabbed Jericho's hotdog from the skewer and began to munch on it.

"'Tino, that wasn't polite! We haven't been invited!" Beth glared at him.

"That's okay." Chris said and reached behind him for the package of hotdogs. He pulled another one out and stabbed it onto the skewer. "You're perfectly welcome. As one dog to another." Chris joked. "Now uh…you were saying you wanted to go back in to the arena?" Chris tried, hoping he could coax Beth into getting back in there and doing her promo that night.

"No! I don't want to go back. They don't appreciate me in there. They wouldn't even miss me for one night." She cast her glance sadly downwards and twirled some of her blond hair around her finger. "I could just stay out here with you."

"That's silly Beth. Of course they care."

"No." Beth insisted. "Mr. M was going to let Shane-O have 'Tino suspended, and even arrested! Come on Chris, just let me stay out here with you while you read fortunes for all the Jerichohollics!"

"Jerichohollics, where!" Chris looked around eagerly, then realized she was referring to the sign he had put up outside. "Oh, eh, you mean the thing." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I never do anything without consulting my crystal first." Jericho reached for a ball he had painted a soft yellow and decorated with tinsel and glitter. This was his crystal. He hovered his hands over the ball.

"This is it! Ha ha! This -- this is the same genuine, magic, authentic crystal used by the Priests of Isis and Osiris in the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt -- in which Cleopatra first saw the approach of Julius Caesar and Marc Anthony, and -- and so on-- and so on. Now, you -- you'd better close your eyes, my child, for a moment --in order to be better in tune with the infinite. We -- we can't do these things without...reaching out into the infinite."

While Beth had her eyes closed, Jericho pulled a folded paper from his pocket. It had the outline of events that was supposed to take place tonight. He had written it down earlier at the meeting Vince had called up. However, Beth and 'Tino had both missed the meeting because they had been having their to-do with Shane at the time.

"Alright, you can go ahead and open your eyes now." Chris said after he had tucked the paper back safely in his pocket. Beth fluttered her eyes opened and watch the silly looking Jericho intently. He cleared his throat and begin to 'consult his crystal'. "We will gaze into the crystal. Ah, what's that I see? An arena with a whole bunch of fans! There are some close to the ring with—with signs for The Glamazon! There's…there's a man in the ring. He has silverish hair, a huge nose, a wrinkled up mug, and a big mouth."

"Oh, that would be Mr. M of course." Beth put in.

"Yes." Jericho nodded. "McMahon."

"Yeah…what's he doing?" Beth asked. She was being sucked in to Jericho's little stunt and she leaned over the fake crystal, somehow imagining it was indeed showing some future event.

"He's shouting, someone has pissed him off!"

"…me?" Beth swallowed.

"Well, it's a woman he respected very much. But now he's angry."

"Oh no." Beth sighed.

"He's holding up a title belt, the diva's title."

"Oh no!" Beth shrieked. She had forgot it in her hurry to leave with 'Tino.

"He's—oh my—he's taking it away from you! He's putting it up to be won on a pay-per-view…a ladder match! Ah, that's all I can see. They crystal has gone dark."

"Oh man! I have to get back in there and do something!" Beth shouted rising to her feet.

"But I thought you were staying out here with me?"

"No, I have to get back!" Beth and 'Tino hurried out of the trailer. Outside the wind had picked up fiercely, clouds had became dark and ominous, rain began to pour down in cold drops. "What will I do if he calls the security on you 'Tino?" Beth said as she stood outside the trailer and put her hands up against the forceful winds. Her platinum pony tails fluttered out behind her. She grabbed Santino's wrist. "I know, I'll just have Cena watch you while I go out to the ring." She turned back to The Amazing Jericho once more. He was poking his head out of the trailer and his blond hair was whipping around. "Thanks Jericho!" She called and began to try to walk back to the arena, but this proved difficult against the gusts that were strong enough at times to nearly knock her off her feet. Chris watched as the two struggled to get back to the arena. He also saw a little kid walking past his trailer and stopping to read the sign.

"Hey kid, better get under cover!" He called to the young boy. "There's a storm blowing up a whopper--to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry. Poor little Beth -- I hope she gets in all right."

Inside the arena, a few people remained straggling behind in the outer concourse. Most were inside watching the match underway and unaware of the storm blowing up outside. A couple of sisters stood in the outer concorse chatting and looking out the windows.

"Look, I bought this Undertaker hat. How does it look on me?"

The girls' sister ignored her and instead pointed up at the black sky. Her face drained white.

"Look, it's a twister!"

Her sister looked up to where a funnel was churning the sky. It jutted downward slowly toward the earth in the distance.

"Shit!" The sister with the Undertaker hat squeaked. The two of them ran off to hide in the bathroom.

McMahon walked backstage after he had finished rambling in the ring. Backstage staff and talent murmured about the vicious weather outside.

"Has anyone gotten a hold of Beth? I hope she's not out in this!"

Several superstars shook their heads.

"I hope she's in the arena somewhere, has anyone seen her?" He barked. Once again he was greeted by shrugs and shaken heads. "Damn it!"

Beth and 'Tino finally found themselves at the entry. Beth closed her eyes as rain bit her flesh like tiny needles. She tugged on the door and finally managed to pull it open against the wind. She stumbled into the entrance with 'Tino following closely. She plopped down onto a bench, when suddenly, the glass window blew out from behind her.

Beth lay on the floor a few moments. She stirred as 'Tino reached down to see if she was okay. She sat up rubbing her head a bit dazed. She turned to look out the shattered window and her eyes widened as she saw some strange things floating outside the window. First, she saw a row boat with two men in it—Finlay and Hornswoggle. They both tipped their green hats at her and then floated on. Beth rubbed her head.

"What the--?"

Next she saw J.R. floating by in a rocking chair. He held his black Stetson to his head to keep it from flying off and he clutched a bottle of barbeque sauce in his other hand and smiled at her. Beth didn't know what to do, so like an idiot, she waved back. She saw other odd things such as a cow floating by with DX spray painted on the side of it.

"We must be…up in the tornado." Beth tried to reason. She looked over at 'Tino and he just gave her a stupid I-don't-know stare. Beth turned again to see Shane-O doing his signature dance as he sang 'Here comes the money!' Beth shrieked at the sight. If that was not enough, Shane's suit changed before her eyes to a billowing black robe and in his hand he held a pointed wide brimmed hat. He sat it on his head but the cyclone nearly tore it away. He reached up, grabbing it in just the nick of time. He held it to his head with his hands and began to laugh evilly.

Beth planted her face into the floor and covered her head with her arms as the whole arena continued to swirl and spin and topple through the raging tornado. Suddenly, there was a jarring bump as the arena suddenly stopped falling and twirling. It had landed. Beth slowly moved her arms away from her head and sat up. She got to her feet and slowly she and 'Tino made their way to the doors. The light was blinding and Beth put her hand over her eyes. She pushed the door opened and took in a hiss of breath at what she saw. It completely amazed and confused her.

Santino huddled up to Beth a bit scared and Beth wrapped him in her arms.

"'Tino…I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all kindly for the reviews. I am having so much fun with this story! It's a blast. This chapter will hopefully make you laugh!_

Chapter 4

"We must be over the rainbow!" Beth concluded as she looked around, gape mouthed, at the beautiful, colorful, surroundings. "Wow…" She walked forward a bit taking in the bright foliage of this place. 'Tino gasped and pointed. Beth watched as a shimmering pink bubble hovered above the ground and came closer to them. The bubble transformed into…what?

Beth burst out into laughter at the sight before her. She thought she was going to choke to death, cry her eyes out, and piss her self all at once.

"You!" She managed to sputter out as she clutched her ribs with one hand and pointed at the sight before her with her other hand. "Ha!" She continued to caw laughter.

"Ah, shit." The man looked down at the glittering pink dress he wore. He then turned his attention to the wand in his hand. "Out of all the people you come up with for The Good Bitch of the North, you choose me? It must have been all those glamorous robes I wore over the years." Ric Flair waved his wand around annoyed.

"You're a fairy!" Beth cracked up even more and doubled over.

"Let's get this show on the road, yellow brick road that is! Woooo!" Ric waved his wand around some more. "This is kind of fun." He mused. "Oh yeah, but what the Fuckins want to know is, are you a good bitch, or a bad bitch?"

Beth straightened up a bit and wiped tears from her eyes.

"Wait…what are Fuckins?"

"Huh? Oh, I mean't Munchkins. Whatever, I'm old so I can't read the cue cards." Flair shrugged.

Beth looked around with a raised eyebrow.

"Um…there are no cue cards."

"Well, there's the problem!" Flair skipped around in a circle. His pink glittery gown swirled about and he waved his wand around. "I want me some freakin' cue cards. Alakzam!"

Behind Beth appeared a man holding up cue cards. Flair squinted his eyes to read them.

"My baloney…has a first name…it's O-S-C-A-R…hey, this has nothing to do with my question!" Flair waved his wand again and the cue card man vanished. "Are you a good bitch or a bad bitch?"

"But, I'm not a bitch at all." Beth smiled. 'Tino laughed but when Beth turned to glare at him he tried to play it off as a cough.

"Well, is that the bitch?" Flair waggled his wand at 'Tino.

"That's my dog-er, boyfriend."

"So, then he is your bitch, huh?" Ric smirked.

"Well…" Beth grinned at 'Tino.

"Alright, well all I know is that the Fuckins—er, Munchkins said some new bitch dropped an arena on Stephanie, the Wicked Bitch of the East. There's the arena, there you are, and there's all that's left of the Wicked Bitch of the East."

Beth turned to see two clear jelly-like things lying on the ground. They were clearly silicon implants.

"Um…those?"

Flair began to laugh.

"Well, yeah. But I meant the shoes too."

Beth turned again and noticed huge feet sticking out from under the arena. On the feet were some furry red slippers.

"So what the Munchers want to know is, are you a good bitch, or a bad bitch?" Flair repeated again.

"You mean Munchkins." Beth again corrected.

"Whatever, wooo!" Flair howled.

"I already told you, I'm not a bitch at all! Wicked bitches are old and ugly."

From out of the bushes there were muffled giggles.

"What was that?" Beth looked around at the flowers and plants a bit frightened.

"That was just the Humpkins. They're laughing because, I am a bitch." Flair smiled, then cocked his head and scowled. "Hey, who wrote that line?"

"Yeah, well then what I said rings true. Bitches are old and ugly." Beth teased.

"Hey, you little! I should turn you into a toad!" Flair growled and waved his wand around.

"You can't, you're a good bitch, remember?"

"I'm turning heel." Ric poked his lip out in a pout.

Beth shook her head which made her blond pony tails flop back and forth on her shoulders.

"You can't turn now, it wouldn't work with the storyline."

Ric turned his face upward to the sky and shook his fist.

"Damn writers!" He turned back to Beth. "Well, anyway, the Humpkins—Munchkins—are happy because you squashed the Bitch of the East. Come on out guys, you can thank her."

Music began to play, seemingly from out of nowhere, as people with funny clothes and even weirder hairdos crawled out of the shrubbery and plants.

"Aw, shit." Ric muttered. "Don't tell me I have to sing…"

Ric cleared his throat noisily and began in a falsetto.

"Come out, come out where ever you are and meet the hottie, a wrestling star. She fell from up high, she fell very far, and God how I wish I was drunk at a bar!"

The Munchkins echoed this last line in high pitched voices.

"God how I wish I was drunk at a bar!"

"She brings some good news, well haven't you heard," Flair continued in a falsetto, reminiscent of Mickey Mouse. "When she fell from up there a miracle occurred!"

Beth interrupted and began to sing herself, why she did this, she really didn't know. But when the urge hits you, you just have to let it out.

"It really was no miracle, what happened was just this! The wind began to switch, the place to pitch! And I was in Chris's trailer where it was, unhitched! In the arena, the Bitch! To satisfy his itch, came riding on his broomstick thumbing for a hitch!"

JBL who was dressed in purple knee pants with red suspenders and a huge blue cowboy hat on his head, jumped out from the rest of the Munchkins. He squatted with his hands on his knees.

"And oh, what happened then was rich!" JBL Munchkin bellowed. "Rich, but not as rich as me of course." He added as an afterthought.

All the Munchkins joined in song as they danced around the yellow and red bricks happily.

"The arena took a pitch, the ring began to slip! And landed on the Wicked Bitch in the middle of a ditch—"

Beth and 'Tino began to dance with the Munchkins as they continued their jubilant singing and partying.

"—which was not a healthy sit-uation for the Wicked Bitch who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch, of what was once the Wicked Bitch!"

Munchkin Kofi Kingston stepped out from the crowd and with a sheepish look on his face, thanked Beth.

"We thank you so sweetly, for doing it so neatly mon!"

CM Punk Munchkin stepped forward then and gave a little bow.

"You've killed her so completely, that we thank you so sweetly."

"Let the joyous news be spread!" Ric shouted. "The Wicked old Bitch at last is dead!"

Beth stepped into a white carriage that had approached her drawn by ponies. The carriage began to move forward and behind the carriage lines of soldiers with tall plumed hats walked in step with the music. The Munchkins all sang in unified squeaky voices.

"Ding Dong! The Bitch is dead. Which old Bitch? The Wicked Bitch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Bitch is dead. Wake up, you sleepy heads. Rub your eyes get out of bed. Wake up, the Wicked Bitch is dead!"

The carriage moved along the yellow and red brick road with the processional of marching Munchkin soldiers behind. Beth looked around at the people dancing and singing in celebration at the squashing of the Wicked Bitch of the East. The white carriage came to a stop and Beth stepped down near the steps of an important looking building.

"She's gone where the goblins go below, below below yo-ho let's open up and sing and ring the bells out--"

The Munchkin's song was suddenly cut off with a horrid shout. All fell silent and eyes turned to a frantic looking blond Munchkin who stood next to another much taller and colossal balding Munchkin with a protruding tongue and empty stare.

"No!" The blond man, Jesse shouted. "Don't ring any bells! Don't do it!" He looked up at the big man who still stared ahead dully. Some of the Munchkins turned to each other and shrugged or rolled their eyes, and after a moment, the song continued.

"Ding-dong the merri-o sing it high, sing it low, let them know the Wicked Bitch is dead!"

From the doors of the building, three heralds emerged with long golden horns and walked down the stairs followed by the mayor of Munchkin City dressed in green pants and suspenders with a green vest and tailed coat detailed in gold. His hair was done up in funny rolled curls. He looked around the crowd of people with an air of nobility and snobbishness that was all too familiar to Beth. She rolled her eyes at the figure who was William Regal.

"As Mayor of the Munchkin City, in the county of the Land of Oz…" The Mayor began. "I demand your respect, you bloody disgusting creatures!" Murmurs rose through the crowd. "I said I demand some respect!" Some boos and catcalls began to be heard over the murmurs. "You swine!" Mayor William Regal reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and drew out some brass knuckles. "Is this how you treat nobility?"

"Get on with the damn speech Mayor, woooo!" Ric shouted in Mayor Regals' face. He glared at Ric, straightened his coat, then went on.

"I welcome you most regally."

"But we've got to verify it legally, to see--" The Mayor's assistant, Layla began.

"To see?" Regal asked.

"If she--" Layla started again.

"If she?" Regal echoed. "Oh bloody hell, who cares? She's here and she killed the Bitch of the East, that's all that matters!"

Suddenly, iron bells tolled ominously. The sky grew dark and lightening danced and streaked through the sky. Creepy music began to play and the Munchkin coroner—The Undertaker—made a slow walk out from the building and down the steps. The crowd watched his entrance totally enthralled with it. The organ music sent shivers up and down every spine there. He stopped at the bottom step beside Mayor Regal and Layla and he removed his coat and handed it to the dark haired Munchkin diva. His hands rose slowly from his sides, his arms curled, and he tilted his head slightly downward and clutched the wide brim of his hat for a moment. He then rather suddenly removed it revealing his eyes rolled back white along with a snarling grimace that twisted his features.

"Get on with it!" Regal growled. The sky cleared and the scene was once again bright and sunny. The coroner/Undertaker Munchkin looked around at the faces.

"Yeah, sorry." He apologized. "As coroner I vouch for her, yadda yadda, thoroughly examined her--" He was interrupted by someone who laughed in the crowd. "You idiots have dirty minds." He growled. "Anyway, she ain't only merely dead she's really, really, seriously dead." He held up a death certificate. "She bit the big one, kicked the bucket, she's worm shit."

"You have such a way with words." Regal said sarcastically. "Ahem, this is a day of independence for all the Munchkins and their stumpy little horrid descendants." Regal said rather blandly as he hooked his thumbs under his suspenders. "Let the joyous news be spread, Mr. McMahon at last is dead!"

A simultaneous shriek rose from the crowd followed by more murmurs.

"I um, mean the Wicked old Bitch at last is dead!" Regal corrected.

This was followed by cheers and another rousing song of 'Ding-dong the Bitch is dead.' The Munchkins paraded around the brick road and danced and sang happily. When the song came to a close, the Munchkin soldiers drew around the others in formation. This formation was parted as three ladies in pink tutus bounded out of the crowd instead of dancing gracefully on their toes as they should have. These were Bri Bella, Kelly-Kelly, and Jillian. Jillian opened up her mouth and out of it came an awful yowl of so called song.

"We represent the lullaby league, yeah baby! The lullaby league, oh yeah! And in the name of the la-la-la-LA-LAAAA!"

Bri and Kelly both plugged their ears and many in the crowd booed and shouted for her to stop.

"That's enough Jillian!" CM Munchkin grabbed her and pulled her back into the crowd. A collective sigh of relief groaned up from the crowd. But once again, three people came forward. Beth tried not to giggle. She saw three young Munchkins dressed in colorful shorts with plaid shirts and striped socks that were pulled up to their knees. The one in the middle was Randy Orton and he looked like he was ready to kill someone. He held the stick of a huge lollipop in one hand. On each side of him were Ted Dibiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes. Cody had a dopey too-happy smile hung on his face and Ted's face was red as his clothing. He was completely embarrassed.

"We represent the fucking lollipop guild." Orton deadpanned. "Yep. Welcome to Hell."

"You mean Munchkin land." Cody corrected.

"That's what I said." Randy glared at the other man and barked. "Hell!"

"The Fucking Lollipop Guild? That sounds so wrong! Leave it to you to be in that kind of group!" JBL Munchkin stepped out from the crowd and cawed laughter at Orton. Randy busted the lollipop over JBL's head and the hard candy shattered to pieces. He then grabbed JBL around the neck and RKO'd him onto the yellow brick road.

"First blood match!" Someone shouted from the crowd and the Munchkins all began to throw punches and blows at each other.

"Wooo!" Ric, the Good Bitch of the North howled. Everyone stopped to see what he was doing. CM Munchkin held Kofi ready for the 'Go To Sleep'. Maria sat on top of Jillian and clutched a fist full of blond hair in her hand. The Undertaker stood up on the carriage seat with Regal upside down and between his legs ready for a tombstone. "Stop this, this is supposed to be over the damn rainbow where pretty little happy-crappy blue birds fly around and dreams come true and troubles melts like fucking lemon drops, so stop! This is not Wrestlemania Oz!"

It was a bit hard to take the red-faced man seriously when he wore a puffy pink gown and a tall glittery crown atop his bleached white hair. However, the Munchkins grumbled to themselves and helped each other up, released each other from holds, and extended hands to shake in truce.

"Now, where were we?" Ric demanded straightening his disheveled crown.

"Tra-la-la and some shit." Randy shrugged.

"I remember." Regal said stepping forward and pointing to Beth. "You'll be a bust!"

"Be a bust!" Randy shouted.

"Be a…bust…" JBL echoed rubbing his head.

"Did someone say puppies?" Jerry Lawler Munchkin pushed forth through the crowd and squawked again. "I love puppies!"

"Bust, as in a statue of someone's head and chest. Not 'bust' as in…" JBL reached his hands out and made grabbing motions with them explaining his meaning. "Hooters."

"Oh, well I'd love a statue of her chest!" Jerry drooled as he eyed Beth's bust.

"Stop it!" She smacked him in the side of the head. "Or I will bust something a little lower than your chest."

Jerry paled at her threat.

"You'll be a bust in the hall of fame." Regal finished.

"Tra-la-LA!" Jillian shouted off key from the middle of the crowd. Her voice rose high and loud and obnoxious. It reverberated off every ear drum. The beautiful expanse of Munchkin city was filled with her deafening shrill shriek. Birds flew from the tree tops in frenzied fright to get away from the catastrophic noise. Squirrels and rabbits bounded out of the bushes and away from the terrifying uttereance. The crowd suddenly dispersed when fire and a cloud of green smoke erupted from the middle of the area where the yellow and red brick roads swirled together and met in points. The Munchkins dived into bushes and flowers and threw themselves to the ground shivering and shuddering.

"Here comes the mo-ney!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you all for the reviews! On to the next…Beth meets the scarecrow. :D_

Chapter 4

Beth, 'Tino, Ric (The Good Bitch of the North), and all of the Munchkins shivered at the figure that emerged from the green sulfurous smoke. He shuffled his feet backwards while waving his hand around in some weird kind of dance. Ric held up a small round sign with a 2, 'Tino held one up with a 1.3 on it, and Beth held one up with a -10 as though the tree were judges on some dancing competition show. The green-faced, black robed, pointy hat wearing Shane-O stopped his dance and scowled at the three people holding signs rating his dancing.

"You idiots!" He growled.

"Your footwork was way off." Ric offered as an explanation. "You need more emotion! Dancing comes from the heart!" Ric laid his own hand over his heart.

"Shut up!" Shane hissed. He turned his eyes upon the sight of the two silicon implants lying on the ground. "Whoah, someone lost their…" He trailed off as his eyes moved over the scene and he found two huge feet wearing fuzzy red slippers. He recognized them immediately. His eyes narrowed to angry slits and he turned back to Beth, 'Tino, and Ric. He inched forward with his hands outstretched as though he was ready at any moment to grab one of them around the neck. "Who…killed…my sister!"

'Tino shrieked and hid behind Beth.

"Who killed the Bitch of the East!" The green faced Shane-O bellowed. "Was it you? Answer me!"

"Leave her alone!" Ric admonished.

"You stay out of it Nature Boy. I'm here for vengeance! It was you, wasn't it." Shane growled as he stepped closer and closer to Beth. The blond woman tried to back away but 'Tino was directly behind her huddling onto her like a chick burrowing under a mother hen.

"It was an accident, geeze. I didn't mean to kill anyone. If I had done it on purpose I would have killed you…and maybe Mickie James." Beth tilted her head to the side in thought.

"Heh, didn't mean it did you? Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too. This is how I would do it--"

Ric suddenly interrupted in attempt to draw Shane's focus away from harming Beth.

"Oh, and did you forget about the fuzzy slippers?" A smirk played on Ric's face as he watched Shane's eyes widen. Shane turned to the feet poking from underneath the massive arena.

"The slippers…yes…the slippers." Shane hurried over to them and reached down to grab them but they were gone, the bare feet curled up and slipped under the arena leaving nothing left of Stephanie, The Bitch of the East. (Except of course for the silicon.)

"They're gone!" Shane shrieked. "The fuzzy slippers are gone, what did you do with them!"

"Ha-ha!" Ric waved his wand at Beth's feet. "There they are, and there they'll stay."

Shane stomped his feet and screamed in a hissy fit.

"Give me back my slippers! Give them to me or I'll have you all suspended!"

"You forget, we're not in the WWE." Ric laughed. Shane continued to stamp his feet and shake his fists in a tantrum.

Ric leaned to Beth and whispered in her ear.

"Keep tight in those, they're magic. They must be very powerful or else he wouldn't want them so badly."

"You stay out of this!" The Bitch of the West demanded. "Or I'll fix you too!"

"Oh, bullshit." Ric rolled his eyes. "Be gone before someone drops an arena on you!"

Shane flinched and looked up at the sky warily for a few moments. After he felt he was in no immediate danger of falling buildings, he turned back to the three in front of him.

"Very well…I'll bide my time…and as for you my fine lady, it's true I can't take care of you now as I would like to, but you just try to stay out of my way, just try!" Shane-O tossed back his head and cackled madly. "I'll get you my diva, and you're little ravioli too!"

"He's not my little ravioli, he's my dog! Er, ah--boyfriend!" Beth quickly corrected.

The Bitch of the West disappeared in a cloud of green smoke and fire as he had appeared.

"You all can come out now. The ass is gone." Ric said while waving his hand in front of his nose. "Ick, what a smell of sulfur! Seems like you made a bad enemy out of the Bitch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz all together, the safer you'll be."

"Well, you have a magic wand. Just wave it around and poof me back to Kansas…then I can find the real Shane-O back there and kick his million dollar ass!" Beth looked down at her feet. "And I can get rid of these ugly fuzzy slippers."

Ric shrugged and waved his wand.

"Bippity, boppity, boo!" Ric squealed.

"Hmm…nothing happened." Beth snorted. There was bark and yap behind her. Beth turned to see a small scruffy dog behind her. The hair on his head between his pointed ears and down his neck came together in a kind of mohawk and the fur over his eyes stuck out in a straight line that extended the bridge of his nose like a canine uni-brow. Beth bent to look at the little creature and knew the eyes that blinked up at her. It wore a collar with an Italian flag on it.

"Great Flair, you turned 'Tino into a dog."

"Yip-yip!" 'Tino barked.

"My poor baby!" Beth scooped the little dog into her arms and nuzzled it. "Turn him back you doofus!" Beth demanded as she scratched the little dogs ears. The dog licked her cheek.

"Okay, but I can't promise anything. I don't know too much about this whole fairy-witch-bitch thing. I flunked out of Hogwarts." Ric began to wave his wand again.

"No, wait…he is kind of cute." Beth grinned down at the little dog. "Never mind. I like him better this way."

The dog laid its ears back sadly and whimpered.

"Well, I guess I'm not going to be the one to get you out of Oz. Ah, but I know someone who can! The Great and Wonderful Wizard of Oz could definitely get you home. He can do anything. Just ask him, he'll tell you." Ric smiled. "He lives in Emerald City. You should probably get going."

"How do I get there? Do you have like a map or GPS or something?"

"Haven't you seen the movie?" Ric slapped his hand to his forehead in a 'duh' gesture. "Just follow the yellow brick road."

With that, The Good Bitch of the North disappeared.

"So I just follow the yellow brick road…follow the yellow brick road?" Beth half questioned as she stepped onto the sunny colored bricks.

"Follow the yellow brick road." Mayor Regal nodded.

"Follow the yellow brick road, mon!" Kofi encouraged with a smile as Beth followed the bricks.

"Follow the yellow brick road…la-la-LA!" Jillian shouted. Beth winced at the shrill cry and hopped forward on the road.

The Munchkins burst out into happy little tunes of:

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick-follow the yellow brick-follow the yellow brick road!"

By now Beth skipped happily along the path followed by Munchkins dancing and skipping along with her and singing happily.

"You're off to see the Wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, we hear he is a Wiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was! If ever a Wiz of a Wiz there was the Wizard of Oz is one because! Because, because, because, because because! Because of the wonderful things he does!"

Beth turned one last time to wave at the crowd behind her.

"You're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of oz!"

Beth walked the yellow brick road with 'Tino the dog tucked under her arm. She was glad to have silence but the occasional call of a bird and the rustle of a breeze passing through the corn stalks that lined either side of the road. Those Munchkins sure loved to sing. Beth shook her head in attempt to rid her brain of the annoying songs that were now dancing around in her head. All she wanted to do was hurry along this road, find the stupid Wizard, and get the hell out of here.

"Just keep following the yellow brick road Beth." She mumbled to herself. "Follow the yellow…brick…" Beth trailed off as she came to a fork. She looked around confused at the first fork and then the second. She sighed loudly.

"Which way do we go now?" She whined, clearly aggravated.

"That way is a very nice way." A voice said. Beth whipped her head around to see no one there but a scarecrow hung on a stand. His arm pointed at the first fork which led to the right.

"Who said that?"

'Tino hopped from Beth's arms and scampered over to the scarecrow and lifted his leg and peed on its foot.

"You fucking bastard! Dogs are poopy!" The scarecrow hollered. "I'll tell you which way to go, go to hell!"

'Tino yapped at him.

"Oh my God, I'm losing my mind!" Beth slapped her forehead. "Alright, I'm just going to pick a way to go and get out of here!" She closed her eyes and spun in a circle with her arm out stretched pointing. When she stopped spinning, she would open her eyes and take which ever direction she was pointing in.

"Well it is pleasant down theyah too."

Beth opened her eyes to see the scarecrow was now pointing to the left. Her mouth stood open agape. Scarecrows were not supposed to speak or move!

"Some people go both ways. Batista does." The scarecrow laughed at his own joke and crossed his arms over his wide chest so he pointed down both paths at once.

"Whoah, you really are talking, aren't you?"

Beth inched closer to the scarecrow and squinted at it. It wore old patched clothing and a felt hat atop its head that was camo colored and said 'you can't see me'. It was a very large and handsome scarecrow. It looked strangely like John Cena. In fact, it sounded like John Cena with his white boy gangsta talk with the New England accent. It even had some bling around its neck. The scarecrow began to nod but then stopped with a confused look pushing his painted on eyebrows together. He then began to shake his head no, but then again he stopped befuddled. He shrugged.

"Can't you make up your mind? Or are you tripped out on something?"

"That's my problem. I don't have any brains…just straw…and muscles."

"How can you talk if you don't have brains?" Beth wondered.

"Oh I talk all the time without having any brains!" The Cena scarecrow smiled. "Just give me a mic and I'll tear it up!"

"Well, I guess we haven't properly met then. I'm Beth, what's up?" She extended her hand.

"Well…" Cena scarecrow looked down.

"You perv!" Beth snarled.

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant this wood." He tried to clarify. "I-I mean this pole that I'm stuck on heyah."

"Oh, sorry." Beth blushed. She slipped behind the scarecrow and tried to figure out a way to free him.

"I'm not very bright about doing things but um, maybe if you bend down the nails in the back I might just slip off."

Beth bent down a couple of nails in the back and the Cena scarecrow tumbled down from his perch. He stood and dusted his shoulder off reminiscent of the five knuckle shuffle. He then stumbled over his own feet and fell face first onto the yellow brick road.

"Um…are you okay?" Beth asked bending to help him up.

"Yeah. Hey did I scayah you?" He asked eagerly.

"No, you didn't scare me. I thought you were hurt."

He hung his head.

"I'm a failyah, I can't even frighten a crow." As he said that, a crow landed on his shoulder. "I only have three moves, and they don't seem to scayah the crows anymore." He turned to the crow perched on his shoulder and glared at him. It opened its beak and cawed at him. "Boo, shoo, scat!"

"Get out of here you!" Beth grabbed the crow by the throat. It squawked out a choked 'caw' and she threw it down hard onto the yellow bricks. Blood leaked from its beak and it fluttered its wings a bit.

"Dang!" Cena scarecrow looked down at the poor bird in surprise. "See, I'm just a failyah because I don't have a brain. Why didn't I think to just grab it and squash the life out of it?"

Beth shrugged.

"Well, what would you do if you had a brain anyway?"

"Do? Hmm…" Cena rubbed at his chin as though thoughtful, but of course someone without a brain can not be thoughtful. He then started to beat-box and then to rap. "Yeyah! I could punch away the hours, hurtin' all the flowers and causing lots of pain. I would do five-knuckle shuffle I'd be more than just the muscle if I only had a brain! I'd sure win a lot of titles, but nothing rhymes with titles…I guess I could say belt. I could think and be so happy, not say poopy maybe crappy…if I only had a brain." Cena scarecrow danced around loosey-goosey like while he rapped. "Oh I…yeyah! Could tell you why Maria is a whore! I could think of things I'd never thunk before and then I'd s go…and get a whore! I would not be just a nothin', my shorts all full of stuffin' and funny yucky stains. I would laugh and I'd be merry, girls would want my dingle-derry if I only had a brain!"

Cena scarecrow tripped over his feet again and went rolling head over heels. He sat up and shook his head, dazed. Beth ran over to see if he was okay.

"That was…odd to say the least." She said as she picked up some straw and stuffed it in his shirt. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…oh no." His eyes suddenly widened. "I'm not okay!" He burst out in a succession of sneezes. "I can't be a scayahcrow, I just remembahed I have allahgies!" His eyes began to turn red and water and he sniffed his nose.

"Well, its to late for that." Beth said and stuffed some straw down his pants.

"It itches!" John shrieked and scratched at his crotch.

"Stop it, that's rude."

"This is going to be terrible…" He whined.

"Why don't you come with me to the Wizard? I'm sure he could give you some Benadril or some Clariton or something to take care of the allergies." Beth paused. "Well, maybe you shouldn't. I have the Bitch of the West mad at me."

Cena scarecrow nodded and sneezed again.

"A bitch huh? I'm not afraid of any bitch…just fire." He held up his straw arm as explanation. "But I'd face a whole box of matches for you." He smiled at her sheepishly.

"Well, I suppose it would be okay." Beth shrugged.

"Sweet, we're off to see the Wizard! Hey maybe he can even give me a brain!" He grinned excitedly as he picked himself up and scratched at his crotch again.

"Let's not hold our breath." Beth muttered. She found 'Tino and picked him up and tucked him back under her arm. "To Oz?" She held out her arm for Cena scarecrow. He looped his arm through hers and snuffled his nose.

"To Ah-ah-achoo!" He rubbed his nose on his tattered shirt. "To Oz." He finished with a snuffle. The two locked arms and began to dance and sing 'We're off to see the Wizard' as they made there way down the road. Cena scarecrow half danced-have stumbled (and sneezed) along with Beth, who was very ready to get out of Oz.

_I just had to leave a little note here, my favorite line was when Cena said: "Oh no, I talk all the time without having any brains!" lol :) Reviews pleases and thankies. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you to everyone who has left reviews for this fic, I'm glad you who are reading are enjoying it. :D_

Chapter 5

Beth and Cena scarecrow had been walking down the yellow brick road for quite some time now. The two stopped when they heard an ominous growl. Beth looked down at 'Tino thinking at first that it was him.

"Weyah goin' to die!" John shrieked. The growl issued again but louder.

"I don't think we're going to die…it's my stomach. I'm famished." Beth rubbed her belly.

"Oh." Cena scarecrow looked around and then pointed. "Look, apple trees!" He trotted clumsily over to the trees and plucked an apple. Suddenly, one of the gnarled old tree limbs reached out and grabbed his wrist. He gazed up at it with wide eyed terror.

"What do you think you're doing!" One of the trees opened its eyes and mouth and barked at Cena.

"Wuh-w-w-well…she was hungry!" Cena scarecrow stuttered. He pulled his hand free from the grasp of the tree and rubbed at his wrist.

"She was hungry!" The tree snorted.

"She was hungry!" Another echoed in disbelief.

"Yeah. We've been walking a long way and…I mean…we haven't seen a golden arch for miles! If you could give us directions to the nearest McDonalds then we'll just be on our way!"

Beth rolled her eyes at John's stupidity. But then again, he didn't have a brain did he? The tree just blinked at him dumbfounded.

"Can we please just have some apples?" Cena scarecrow asked meekly.

"How would you like it if someone went around picking something off of you!" The tree growled.

"Listen, you!" Beth yelled and advanced toward the small group of talking trees. "If you don't give me some freaking apples I'm going to turn you all into paper—toilet paper—then I'm going to take a crap and wipe my ass with you!"

A hushed silence fell over all for a few moments. The trees then burst out laughing.

"That's not going to work on us little missy. We're magical trees. You can't just chop us down and make us into Charmin!"

"I have an ideah!" Cena scarecrow shouted triumphantly waving his finger in the air. He was so excited, like a kid on Christmas. "I'll show you how to get apples!"

"Well, I'm waiting Einstein." Beth crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot impatiently.

"I bet you guys don't see a lot of hot women like her around heyah do you? Well, if you give us some apples…then Beth will show you her boobies!"

The trees immediately pummeled Cena scarecrow with apples and they cheered. Beth's mouth dropped open and she glared down at Cena who lay on the ground covered in apples.

"Take it off!" One of the trees shouted. Others whistled and yelled obscenities.

Beth helped John up and picked up a juicy red apple and took a big bite of it. She savored the sweetness of the juice in her mouth.

"Alright, alright." Beth sighed. "You guys want to see some chest?"

The trees hooted and hollered and rattled there branches eagerly.

"Here we go then, welcome to Hooters." Beth made like she was about to unbutton her shirt, when suddenly she reached over to Cena and pulled some chest straw out from his shirt. "There's your chest!" She tossed the straw toward the trees and grabbed John's wrist and ran into the woods with him before the angry trees could pummel them to death with flying fruit.

The two ran a bit into the woods until they felt safe and then they both stopped panting. Beth leaned against an old tree trunk and John leaned against…

"John--" Beth gasped and wiped sweat from her brow. "What's that?"

"Er-er!"

John jumped back and tripped over his feet and went sprawling on his ass when the thing he was leaning on muttered something. He looked up at the thing and saw it was some kind of metallic man.

"Whoah!" Beth whistled. She reached out and banged her fist onto the tin body. "It's Kane…and he's a…tinman?"

"Er-er…an…er-er an!"

"He's trying to say something!" John said as he picked himself up.

"Not shit." Beth retorted. "He's saying…"

"Er ah!"

"Oh, he's saying oil can."

"Oil can what?" Cena scarecrow scratched at his straw head in confusion and then sneezed and sniffled his nose.

"Oil can." Beth repeated and picked up and oil can that rested on a tree stump. "Where do you want to be oiled first?"

"Mah mouh." The tinman tried.

"His mouth, he said oil his mouth." Cena scarecrow clarified.

Beth nodded and oiled the tinman's mouth and jaw. He moved it slowly and with much squeaking.

"Aaah…" He sighed as he worked his mouth. "Hey, fucking dog!" Tinman looked down to see 'Tino peeing on his foot.

"It's okay. He did it to me too." Cena said before sneezing again.

"Oil my feet next so I can kick that mutt's ass!" Kane tinman growled. His mismatched eyes glared down at the little dog who yapped at him. A maniacal lopsided grin stretched across his silvery face and he laughed evilly. "Oil my arms please, oil my arms."

Beth oiled his arms and they dropped down.

"Ah, that feels great." Kane tinman moved his shoulders in circles and the rusty joints squawked and squeaked. "I've held that freakin' flame thrower up for ages."

Beth and Cena scarecrow turned to each other with fearful glances.

"Flame thrower?" The two questioned at once.

"Yeah, what were you expecting something boring like an axe?"

Beth just shook her head sending her blond pony tails flying around.

"Whatever." She bent down to oil his knees. "Let me just finished oiling your joints, then you can explain to us how you got here."

"Are you going to oil my joint?" Cena scarecrow waggled his eyebrows at Beth who looked ready to kill him.

"Sure, I'll oil your joint John." She said with sarcastic pleasantry. "Then I'll borrow Kane's flame thrower and me and you can have some real fun!"

Cena scarecrows' eyes grew wide with fear and he backed away from Beth and tripped once again over his feet.

"There." Said Beth as she finished oiling Kane. "You're perfect now big guy."

"Perfect? Ha. Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect."

Beth began to do that, but stopped unsure.

"Go ahead, bang on it."

Beth knocked on the tin chest and heard her knock reverberate and echo.

"Wow."

"It's hollow. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart." Kane tinman tilted his head for a moment in thought. "You know, I really don't know why I need a heart though. It's fun not having one. I can hurt people really really bad…and I don't care!" He laughed at the end of his statement.

"Kane…" Cena picked himself up and whispered to the Big Tin Machine. "You're supposed to sing your song now."

Kane tinman rolled his mismatched eyes and began to sing reluctantly and flatly.

"When a man's a raving psycho and chars people with his pyro, it's hard to have a heart. Just because I'm big and loomin' I could still be kind of human if I only had to fart…eh, had a heart."

Cena chuckled and Beth smacked him over the head with her half eaten apple. Kane tinman continued on with his song.

"I'd be tender, I'd be gentle, and maybe not so mental and I wouldn't have to start…fires. I'd be friends with my brother even though he killed our mother if I only had a heart! Picture me, The Red Machine, my heart lit all a-glow…" Kane stopped and bunched his brow together at the words that were coming out of his mouth. A look of disgust contorted his features. "Who writes this shit, some stupid Homeo?" He shook his head and then continued the song. "I hear a yell…eeeek! Ah hell! Just to kill a man's emotion, what a sentimental notion, then tear his flesh apart! I could stuff him in a wood chipper or stab him with a hedge clipper…cause I don't have a heart!" Kane finished.

Cena poked his lip out in a pout.

"You didn't dance! You were supposed to clamah around and dance…remembah? You were supposed to go out in the road and bang your hands on your legs and chest and do a little toot toot outta your hat on top of your head!" Cena finished with a sneeze.

"It's a fucking funnel for hell's sake!" Kane pointed at the 'hat' on his head. Cena dropped his head disappointedly. "And I do not dance." Kane tinman added as an after thought. The three moved through the woods and out of the trees and back onto the yellow brick road. On the other side of the yellow brick road was a small house with moss growing on the roof. They three made their way towards it.

"I um…thought the song was supposed to be about how you didn't have a heart and wanted one, not about how you don't have a heart and are glad because it allows you to be sadistic." Beth scratched 'Tino's ears as she regarded Kane the tinman. He just shrugged.

"I do things my own way. Like I said, I don't want a heart." Kane tinman picked up his flame thrower. "Now, give me that fuzzy little beast I want to have a hot-dog roast!" Kane tried to fire up his flame thrower but it sputtered out. "Damn…"

"I know!" Cena snapped his fingers together as another idea hit him. "You could come with us to see the Wizahd, I'm sure he could fix your flame throwah. He's going to give me some allahgy medicine and he might even give me a brain!"

"Don't hold your breath." Kane tinman mumbled and Beth snorted laughter.

"But he has to!" Cena scarecrow reasoned. "We've come such a long way already!"

"You call that a long way!" A familiar evil and nasty voice greeted the trio. They looked up to the roof of the small dilapidated house where green faced Shane-O, the Wicked Bitch of the West, stood cackling down at them. "You've just begun! Don't tell me you forgot about me? Well I haven't forgotten about you." Shane-O pointed his broomstick at Beth. "Helping the little diva along you freaks?" The Wicked Bitch waved his broom around at them. "Well you just stay away from her, or else I'll stuff a mattress with you!" He pointed at Cena scarecrow and smirked. "In fact, I'll stuff Mark Henry's mattress with you. See how you like him laying on you!"

Cena scarecrow grew pale at the thought and he began to shiver.

"And you!" Shane Bitch pointed to Kane tinman. "I'll take your tin body apart and make new steps for the ring and have Mark Henry and Big Show step on you! How would you like that! Ha!"

Shane-O made a ball of fire from his hand.

"Hey scarecrow, want to play ball?"

"Wait a minute!" Kane tinman shouted. Before Shane-O could throw his flaming orb at Cena scarecrow Kane formed a white hot ball of blazing fire in his own hands. "Ha ha…I win mine's bigger." Kane tinman laughed. Shane-O screwed his face into a contorted grimace.

"Damn it!" He stomped his feet on the roof of the little house as he flew into one of his usual tantrums. "You big ugly piece of--"

Suddenly, the roof gave way under Shane-O's stamping feet and he disappeared through the hole with a curse.

"I'm not afraid of that bitch." Cena scarecrow said puffing up his chest. "I'll see that you get to the Wizahd whether I get a brain or not! Stuff a mattress with me, ha!"

"Yeah, and he won't be taking my body apart any time soon. I'll make sure you get to the Wizard Beth." Kane gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I don't want a heart anyway. I would like to get my flame thrower fixed, but even if he doesn't do that, I still don't care!"

The three laughed and linked arms.

"To Oz?" Beth smiled at Cena scarecrow and then at Kane tinman.

"To Oz!" The two men cheered.

The three skipped away down the yellow brick road singing happily.

"Weeee're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

Beth only wondered to herself, who else would they find and what in the world would happen next?

_Review please and thanks…or I'll send Shane-O after you! (jk I would never wish that on anyone!)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry that this last update took a while. I have a certain muse cough Miz cough-cough running crazy right now. Luckily I stuck him in a straight jacket and put him in the padded cell long enough to update this fic. (course I had to drag Kane out of the cell in order to put Miz in. But Kane muse has been oddly docile lately. I think he's going to strike at any random time very soon.)_

_bang-bang-bang_

_Miz muse: Let me out, how dare you treat The Chieck Magnet in such a degrading manner! _

_Me: Stop banging your head on the door!_

_Miz muse: Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a rubber room and then the mice came--_

_Me: Shut up, please!_

_Miz muse keeps banging and raging on_

Chapter 6

Beth walked down the yellow brick road arm in arm with Cena scarecrow and Kane tinman. Kane grumbled as he clinked along noisily and Cena was constantly rubbing at his puffy eyes and runny nose. The woods began to grow closer and closer, darker and darker, and strange sounds began to echo around the travelers. 'Tino stuck close by Beth's side and once in a while startled and barked at the unknown sounds that emitted from the mangled woods.

"What do you think is in theyah?" Cena asked rubbing again at his eyes.

"Probably and insane, zombie-like killer with a hockey mask, burned skin, and…" Kane paused to think of something creatively brutal. "A bat with rail road spikes stuck in it. Yeah, and he's going to come and kill you." Kane smirked at Cena scarecrow who's eyes widened as he crouched protectively closer to Beth.

"A mask and burned skin and a spiked bat?" Beth frowned.

"Oh my!" Cena scare crow yelped.

"You have a twisted mind, don't you?" Beth said casting a sideways glance to Kane tinman. He just nodded and smirked. Kane then turned his evil grin on Cena scarecrow and peered at him from under his dark shaded brow. In a low growl he repeated:

"A mask and burned skin and a spiked bat!"

"Oh my!" Beth whispered as she eyed the dark, gnarled, woods cautiously. The group picked up there pace, walking faster and faster down the yellow bricks as Kane tinman continued his frightening chant which was punctuated by a double "oh my!"

"Aaaarwooooof!"

Suddenly a big animal leaped out of the woods startling the three travelers. Cena scare crow and Kane tinman fell to the ground and Beth took refuge behind a tree. 'Tino ran to her side and kept close to her feet. She peered around the tree nervously to see a large Lion that looked strangely similar to Jamie Noble, and for some strange reason he was wearing wrestling trunks and boots.

"Put 'em up, put 'em up!" The Lion said puffing up his chest. "Which one y'all's first? I'll fight'cha both together, I'll fight'cha with one paw tied 'round my back!" The Lion demonstrated by hiding one furry paw behind his back. "Hell yeah, Lion'll even fight'cha standin' on one foot!" Again, the Lion demonstrated his words by pulling one foot off the ground. "Noble Lion'll fight'cha with his eyes closed too!"

"Leave us alone you little dweeb!" Kane growled.

"What, are ya scared of Noble Lion?" He pointed at Kane tinman and laughed. "How long d'ya stay fresh in that there tin can? Come on an fight me ya shiverin' junkyard!" He turned his gaze and upraised fists to Cena scarecrow who gave a tremendous sneeze. "Get up here ya lopsided bail a' hay. Noble Lion with give you a good thrashin'!"

"You know, you're getting personal theyah lion!" Cena scarecrow sniffled.

"Listen here kitty cat, I'll light you ass on fire!" Kane tinman pulled himself from the ground and stepped up. Before Kane could carry through with any such threat, 'Tino scurried out to the Lion and barked up at him, even becoming so brave as to nip at his fuzzy toes.

"I'll get you ya flea-bitten little bastard!" Lion bounded after 'Tino who leaped over a fallen tree and made a mad dash for Beth. The Lion reached to grab 'Tino and teach him a lesson but Beth snatched him up first and then she brought a hard knee into the Lion's crotch. The Lion let out a gasp and sank down onto the fallen tree with his eyes wide.

"You idiot!" Beth hissed as she stroked 'Tino's fur lovingly.

"You didn't….hafta…ooooh…." Lion groaned.

"What kind of Lion picks on a little dog?" She glared at the Lion who wiped tears from his eyes with the tip of his tail. "You're no Noble Lion at all, you're nothing but a coward!"

"Yer right missy!" He wailed. "I am a coward! I don't have any courage at all. I even scare myself! See under m'eyes? I ain't slept in weeks."

"Have you tried to count sheep?" Beth asked, kneeling to look at his teary eyes.

"I can't, I'm afraid of 'em!" Lion stammered through his tears.

"I could knock you out." Kane said cracking his knuckles. Lion sobbed louder and dabbed at his nose with the end of his tail.

"Kane, I don't think that's going to help."

"Maybe the Wizard can!" Cena scarecrow piped up.

"I bet so." Beth said wiping some tears from Noble Lion's cheek. "He's going to give Kane a heart."

"I don't want a damn heart!" Kane grumped and crossed his metallic arms over his silvery chest with a clank.

"And I'm going to get a brain!" Cena scarecrow clapped his hands together excitedly. Noble Lion looked up at the straw man in wonder.

"Wow, that there Wizard must really be somethin' if ya think he can do that."

Kane snickered and Cena frowned. Noble Lion turned his gaze back to Beth.

"But wouldn't'cha be degraded t'be seen in the presence of a cowardly Lion?" His feline face collapsed into a forlorn expression.

"Of course not. Those idiots are coming with me, it couldn't get much worse could it?"

"Hey!" Cena and Kane both shouted simultaneously.

"That's real nice of ya missy. See, my life's been kinda unbearable."

"Oh…" Beth sympathized. Suddenly, Noble Lion stood up—finally regaining his breath after that low blow—and he began to sing.

"Yeah it's sad that I'm a wussy, nothin' but a pussy, without the brass cahones. But I could have some guts, man up and kick some butts, if I wasn't such a phony! Oh I could be a brave man, and even get a woman, if I wasn't a jabroni! I would be brave and courageous—"

"I'd be smart as a sage is!" Cena piped up with a goofy grin.

"My love would be outrageous!" Kane sang and then pulled a confused face.

"If the Wizard is a Wizard who will help us…" Beth shrugged.

"Then I'm sure to get a brain!"

"A heart, damn it…"

"Back to RAW!"

"The nerve!" Noble Lion shouted while pumping his fist into the air.

The four friends linked arms and began to dance on down the yellow brick road.

"Oh, we're off to see the Wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

The image of the four singing and dancing down the sunny brick road slowly panned out and it was soon revealed that someone was watching them from a pale crystal ball. An eerie cackling filled the stone room that was high up in a tall, grim, tower. A greenish hand curled and moved over the opaque surface of the crystal.

"So, you won't take warning?" The Bitch of the West peered down at the seeing stone. "All the worse for you then. I'll take care of you now instead of later. Ha! When I get those fuzzy slippers my power will be the greatest in all Oz!" The Bitch-O-Mac rubbed his hands together eagerly. "And now my beauties, something with poison in it. Yes, yes something with poison in it." The Bitch of the West picked up a bowl and a pestle and swirled the red-coated instrument over the shimmering crystal. "Something attractive to the eye and soothing to the smell. Yes, poppies will make them sleep. Poppies, poppies will make them sleep…sleeeep…" Suddenly, the Wicked Bitch's eyes grew wide as he peered into the crystal. "No, not puppies, poppies! Poppies, no not puppies!"

Beth, Cena scarecrow, Kane tinman, and Noble Lion emerged from the dark woods to see ahead of them a long field of flowers and in the distance a great city shimmering and glittering with emerald light.

"Look!" Beth squealed in excitement. "It's Emerald City!"

"What are we waitin' for?" Noble Lion burst into a huge grin and bounded ahead into the field of flowers.

"Let's go!" Cena scarecrow called as he too ran full force into the field wheeling his arms around as he went in big crazy cirlcles.

"I'm a fucking bucket of rust, wait up!" Kane bellowed as he trudged after the others.

"Oh, what's that?" Beth pointed ahead to something yellow moving around in the flowers.

"Oh, look!" Cena scarecrow pointed. A small fuzzy creature poked its head up from the flowers revealing glimmering brown eyes, a wet black nose, and a dangling pink tongue. "It's a puppy!"

The puppy ran to Cena and began to chew on his straw feet pulling his stuffing out and chewing it to shreds.

"Oh no!"

"Oh, how cute!" Beth cooed as some puppies frolicked up to her.

"They're licking me all over!" Kane tinman cried as he fell over into the grass and got attacked by at least a dozen puppies with massive drool-iscous tongues. "Aaaaarg!"

"He'll rust!" Cena shouted limping over to the fallen tinman.

"How adorable!" Beth was now completely surrounded and distracted by the yipping, nipping little animals.

"Oh my God! They're so scary!" Noble Lion cowered down in the flowers in hopes to avoid being noticed by the puppies but six of the little beasts ran over to him and started to pounce on his face and tug at his mane.

"Puppies! Did someone say puppies?" Jerry Lawler popped up from nowhere and ran around the flowers. When he saw the canines attacking the four travelers his face sank. "Oh…those kind of puppies…" He slinked away dejectedly.

"We have to get to Emerald City!" Cena scarecrow tried to rouse the others but they were hopelessly caught up with the puppy love. "Help!" He started to scream. "Help! Evil puppies, evil!"

Cena looked up to the sky and saw The Good Bitch of the Nort, aka Ric Flair smiling down at him. He waved his wand around and far off in the field a giant fire hydrant appeared.

"But, a fire hydrant? How will that help?"

In one motion every puppy in the field swung their heads simultaneously towards the massive red hydrant in the distance. They're warm little eyes filled with lust and passion and like a heard of insane children the ran off at break neck speed towards the waiting hydrant leaving the rest of the travelers behind.

Beth sat up brushing dog hair from her clothes. Noble Lion peeked up from the flowers warily.

"A-are they gone?"

"They're gone." Cena scarecrow extended his hand to help Beth to her feet. Noble Lion picked himself up and wiped slobber from his face.

"Oh no, he's rusted." Said Beth as she peered down at Kane tinman who was doused in strings and puddles of thick, gooey, dog saliva. She found his oil can and managed to get his joints functioning again. Cena and Noble helped him up and he grumbled something about wishing they would have left him rusted in the woods.

"Curses!" The Wicked Bitch of the West shook his fist at the sky as he leaned out the window of his tall stone tower. "Somebody always helps that girl along! Well, slippers or no slippers, I'm still great enough to conquer her. Woe to those who try to stop me!"

The four travelers skipped there way through the rest of the flowers until the field dissolved into a path that led straight to Emerald City. It looked so bright and beautiful, they just knew the Wizard had to be something glorious. At last they stopped at the city gates and rang the bell.

"Well, here we go." Beth said as she pressed the button. "We're going to see Oz."

_I was mad too because when I first thought of doing this fic, the first thing I did was look up the songs for scarecrow, tinman, and lion and I overhauled them to be goofy for this fic. I saved them but for the life of me I couldn't fine the Lion song that I did. I really liked it too, so I had to redo it and it took a while to do and it didn't seem as good as the original, which I couldn't quite remember. But I think my favorite thing in this chapter personally was when I referred to Shane-O the Wicked Bitch as Bitch-O-Mac. I typed it before I even really thought about it and then like two lines later I stopped and was like...ha! I just sat at my computer laughing over it for the longest time! Anyway I'm talking too much. Thank you for reading and if I seem a little loopy it's because I'm going on 3 hrs of sleep so...yeah. Reviews are much appreciated, and if you have caffiene and or sleepnig pills feel free to send some of those too. Heehee, jk. :D_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The four travelers stared up at the emerald green door. A small, round, window swung outward and a doorman with a green high-collared coat, a big red mustache, and funny curled hair stuck his head out.

"Who rang that bell!" The strange man, who looked oddly like Triple H shrilled loudly.

"Duh idiot, we did." Beth said rolling her eyes.

"Well didn't ya see the sign?" The man squawked annoyed at the four.

"What sign?" Cena scarecrow asked scratching his brainless head.

"The freaking sign! It's as clear as the nose on my face!"

"Oh, it's a nose? I thought that was a mountain." Kane snorted and Noble lion joined him in a chuckle.

The irritated doorman slammed the window shut. Beth noticed the sign and read aloud.

"Bell out of order. Please knock."

Beth balled her hand into a fist and banged on the door.

"Ah, that's more like it." The doorman said hanging out of the window again. "Now, state your business."

Together the four travelers said:

"We want to see the Wizard!"

The man fell forward in a state of shock nearly tumbling out of the round window. His eyes grew wide.

"Ooh! You want to see the Wizard? The Great Oz? Nobody's seen the Great Oz, not even I've seen him!"

"Then how do you know theyah is one?" Cena scarecrow questioned.

"I thought you didn't have a brain." Kane said knocking on Cena's head and getting an echo.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Cena replied sheepishly.

"Well, I um—er, you see…oh you're wasting my time!" The doorman hollered.

"I need to see the mother fucking Wizard ass hole, now open the door or I'll bust it down myself!" Beth snarled. The doorman trembled and nodded to an irate Beth Phoenix.

"W-well, that's a horse of a different color." He stuttered. "Come right in!" He slammed the window shut again. A moment later the huge doors swung inward greeting the scarecrow, tinman, lion, and Beth with people all dressed in green bustling around like little leaves rustling on a tree. A carriage pulled up for the four and they were surprised to see a horse colored bright red. Before their wide eyes the horse changed from red to a dazzling purple.

"Cabby, I'll take you to any place in the city!" The carriage driver announced. "Ah, but first I'm sure I must take you to a place where you can tidy up a bit."

"That would be nice, we've been traveling for such a long…" Beth trailed off as she watched the psychedelic horse morph from neon purple to a hot pink. "What's that?"

"Oh!" The carriage driver squealed happily. "That's the horse of a different color you've heard tell of!" The carriage driver grinned as the four climbed into his carriage and then he began to sing.

"Ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! And a couple of tra-la-las. That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old Land of Oz. Buzz-buzz-buzz! Chirp–Chirp-Chirp! And a couple of la-di-dahs. That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old Land of--" The carriage driver was suddenly cut short by a loud yell from the back of the carriage.

"Why must everyone sing! Everywhere we go sing this, sing that, just shut up damn it!" Kane tinman yelled so loud the bustle of Emerald City stood frozen still stunned to silence. Noble lion got scared and pressed himself closer to Beth who stroked his mane in a calming manner. "Ah…that's nice and quiet." Kane tinman sighed. He laced his metallic fingers together and leaned back relaxing in the carriage seat.

The four were dropped of at a salon where no one dared to open their mouth and sing. There was no sound but the hum of a machine as it brushed Kane tinman up to a gleaming shine, the click click of scissors as Beth and Noble lion got their hair trimmed and styled, and the rustle of new stuffing being poked into Cena scarecrows patch work clothing. Cena sneezed loudly disrupting the silence. He rubbed his nose and wondered who ever heard of a scarecrow being allergic to straw?

"What's wrong?" One of the stuffers asked as Cena scarecrow's eyes grew red and teary.

"I'm allergic to straw." He whined and sniffled his nose.

"You should have told us. We have non-allergenic stuffing." The man smiled brightly and pulled straw out of Cena scarecrow and began to replace it with the non-allergenic stuffing.

"Oh! Why didn't I think of that?" Cena scarecrow mused.

"You don't have a brain I suppose." The man shrugged.

"Oh yeah. I keep forgetting." Cena scarecrow laughed.

Meanwhile Noble lion was getting his mane styled by a young man who like everyone else around was dressed in green. His hair was also green and pulled back in a ponytail and his green beard looked more like lime tiger stripes. His eyes were even green and they were determined as he made artwork from the lion's nappy mane. Noble lion couldn't help but think the young man looked familiar.

"Ta-da!" The young man spun the lion around in his barbers chair and Noble lion shrieked at his reflection and hid his face behind his trembling paws. "You don't like it?" The young man's shoulders sagged saddened that Noble lion was unhappy with his work. Slowly Noble lion drew his hands away form his face and studied his mane. It was colored so many colors it looked like the barber had dumped a rainbow on his head. His colorful mane was braided and the barber had even tied a bandana around it.

"It's…alright I 'spose."

Next to Noble lion Beth was getting her make up done. The man who did her make up looked like he was dressed as a woman. His platinum blond hair was tinted green at the ends and it spilled over his shoulders. His face was painted strangely with black and metallic green and he wore a glittery green and black robe. His nametag said HELLO MY NAME IS: Jadedust.

Jadedust spun Beth around to reveal to her the make over he had given her.

"Ew!" Beth screeched. Her face was painted black and red in elaborate tribal like designs. "It's like the Boogeyman! Gross!"

"No my dear, it's BoogeyBeth." Jadedust smiled.

The four left the salon feeling much better but Kane tinman was the only one who looked normal. Noble lion was frightened when he first saw Beth's face…so he was sticking close to Cena scarecrow.

"What the hell did they do to you?" Kane tinman asked poking at Cena. The scarecrow was all lumpy.

"Non-allergenic straw!" Cena scarecrow boasted proudly and patted his chest. A few pieces of foam like material fell from his shirt and Kane tinman picked up a piece.

"You dim wit…they stuffed you full of packing peanuts."

"Cool! I'm a scarecrow and a beanbag chair in one! Awesome!"

Kane tinman shook his head at bean-bag Cena. Suddenly, Beth shrieked and pointed towards the sky.

The Wicked Bitch of the West streaked through the sky on his broomstick. Smoke trailed from the straw ends of his broom and he drew words against the blue back drop of sky.

"S-I-R-E-I-N-D-E-R Beth or die!"

"Sir Reindeer?" Cena scarecrow pulled a confused face.

"I…I think he meant surrender." Noble lion said as he shuddered with fear.

"Surrender Beth or die." Beth repeated. A grin danced on painted face. "We'll just see about that wont we." She flipped the bird to the Wicked Bitch.

The people of Emerald City became frantic and frightened and began to rush to a tall set of double doors demanding to see the Wizard who would undoubtedly explain the sign in the sky.

"We better hurry up if we want to see the Wizard!" Cena said and rushed for the doors. Noble lion and Kane tinman followed closely behind with BoogeyBeth bringing up the rear. A man with fur gloves, a fur hat, and a long cape and a spear tried to appease the anxious people.

"Hey, everything's alright! Everything's alright, the Great Oz has everything under control—I hope—so you can all go home! There's nothing to worry about!"

The guard shooed at them with his fuzzy emerald hands.

"Get out of here, go. Go home!"

"Hey guard, we want to see the Wizard." Beth said stepping up with little 'Tino yapping under her arm.

"I have orders, no one is allowed to see the Wizard. Not nobody, not nohow!"

"If you don't let us in to see the Wizard I will set you on fire!" Kane tinman growled. "I care about her and if she wants in she gets in." Kane had seemingly forgotten that he didn't have a heart.

"He's in a conference with himself on account of this trouble with the Bitch. Even if he wasn't you wouldn't be able to see him because nobody ever has!" The guard huffed.

"And I'm gonna show you a thing or two y'over grown bugger!" Noble lion roared, forgetting he didn't have any courage.

"Not nobody!" The guard shouted stamping his boots angrily. "Not nohow!"

"And I'll trick you into doing it if I have to!" Cena scarecrow threatened.

"No! Now if you'll excuse me, we have to change guards."

"But wait a minute! She's Beth!" Cena scarecrow pointed. The guard turned and stared at the angry blonde woman with the funny facepaint.

"The Bitch's Beth? Well why didn't you say that? That makes a difference. Wait here and I'll announce you at once." With that the guard turned on his heel and slammed the door leaving the four on the doorstep.

"Did ya'll hear that?" Noble lion smiled. "He's goin' to announce us at once! Hotdog!"

"I just about have my brain!" Cena cheered with a stupid grin plastered to his face.

"I think I can feel my heart beating already…creepy." Kane tinman shivered. The thought of him having a heart gave him the willies.

"I'll be back at RAW early enough to go out clubbing!" Beth danced around happily.

"Inna hour I'll be King a'the Forest!" Noble lion mused to himself. "No, I'll be King a'the Ring."

"What would you do if you wah King?" Cena scarecrow asked spilling some more packing peanuts from his pants. Noble lion struck a pose and began to sing.

"If I's King a'the Riiiiing! Not queen, not duke, not prince. I'd be big and bad, not a dope, not a joke. I'd have lots a nice diva's I could poke, yes blond and brunette and I'd have 'em with a woof! A woooof! And a royal growl…woooof!"

"I could click m'heels and the superstars would kneel and the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow and the sparra' would take wiiing! If I, if I, was Kiiiing."

"Each idiot would show respect t'me, William Regal would genuflect to me! Though m'tail would lash I'd show compash for every underliiing. If I, if I, was Kiiiing! Just King!"

"If you were King would you be afraid of anything?" Beth asked as she and Cena scare crow and Kane tinman bowed to him.

"Not nobody! Not nohow sugar-babe!" Noble lion roared. "Ain't a thing would scare me if I was King!"

"Not even a rhinoceros?" Cena asked.

"Imposserous!" Lion bellowed.

"What about a hippopotamus?" Beth tried.

"Mark Henry?" Noble lion snorted. "Hell girl, I'd trash his ass from top t'bottomus!"

"What about me…Kane." Kane tinman scowled as evilly as he could. For a moment Noble lion looked frightened but he swallowed away his fear.

"Not even you, 'cause I got me some awesome rainbow mane!" Noble lion pointed to his tie-dyed hair.

"But how?" Everyone asked lion together.

"Courage!"

Just then the guard stomped down the steps and shouted at the four.

"Go home!" He snapped. "The Wizard says go away!" The guard held his spear in front of him just incase they would decide to cause trouble.

"Go to hell!" Someone roared. Cena scarecrow and Kane tinman thought it was Noble lion but he was cowering and trembling so it obviously wasn't him. It was Beth. She rushed the guard and pummeled him until he lay on the ground bloody and unconscious. "Ah, now…shall we see the Wizard?"

Kane stepped over the ruined guard and followed Beth to the door. Cena scarecrow took Noble lion by the hand and led the quivering animal. The four stopped as they faced a long, dark, corridor. All were filled with apprehension, for this Wizard was supposed to be so great and wonderful. But what if he wouldn't help them? Well, there was one way to find out. Beth stepped forward leading the group onward.

_Next chapter, our beloved heroes finally get to meet the Great Wizard of Oz. I hope you readers liked this chapter. :D BoogeyBeth, lol. Let me know what you all think of the chapter. I always love to hear from you all. ((hugs))_


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and props to iNdY mIlK for noticing that the hair dresser was supposed to be Jeff Hardy. :D Can anyone guess who the Wizard is?_

Chapter 8

Cena scarecrow, Kane tinman, Noble lion, and Beth huddled close to each other as they made their way slowly down the long, green, corridor that would lead them at last to the Great Wizard of Oz. Beth clutched tight to 'Tino who shivered under her arm and hid his furry face in her chest. She stroked his fur lovingly.

"W-wait a minute y'all…I's just thinkin' I ain't too keen on seein' this Wizard feller…" Noble lion turned ready to run away with his tail between his legs. Cena and Kane held his arms in protest and he whimpered close to tears.

"What's wrong Noble?" Cena asked petting the lion's colorful braided mane.

"Eh, he's just being a pussy instead of a lion." Kane laughed his usual sadistic laugh which echoed down the corridor only making the whole situation seem creepier.

"Y'know, if this Wizahd does give you a heart your body would reject it."

"Good." Kane glared. "Cause I don't want a heart."

"Come on Noble, don't be afraid." Beth patted his shoulder as he continued to whimper. "Don't you know the Wizard is going to give you some courage?"

"I'm gunna be too scared t'ask him for it!" Noble lion pulled away from Cena's grasp but Kane still had his hand wrapped tightly around lion's wrist.

"You're going in here with us. I'm not going to let you chicken out you came all this way now you're going to do this." Kane grabbed lion's shoulders and steered him forward and the group made their way closer and closer to The Great Oz.

"Oh!" Lion shouted. "Somebody p-p-pulled my tail!"

"You did it yahself." Cena pointed out. Noble looked down at the tip of his tail which he held in his hand.

"Oh…I-I did." Tears leaked from his eyes and he dabbed at them with the end of his fuzzy tail.

The four companions reached the end of the corridor and stood before two large doors. Noble lion hung back in tears and Cena scarecrow tried to comfort him and encourage him to go on. Beth and Kane tinman pushed the tall doors open. A deep voice rose to great them.

"I am the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz! Come forward!"

"Oh please tell me when it's over!" Lion cowered into Cena who gently nudged him forward.

The four were speechless as they entered the throne room. Cautiously and slowly they made their way closer and closer to the huge throne that sat at the far wall. From the looming throne fire and smoke belched and puffed. Lion hid his face in his hands and his knees clamored together threatening to give out on him. Cena tried to help but his own wobbly legs were quivering too and he was leaking some foam packing peanuts onto the emerald floor of the throne room. Kane stood with his silvery head tilted to the side mesmerized by the fire.

"I am Oz! The Great and Powerful!" More fire and smoke plumed and sparked from the immense throne. A huge holographic head appeared hovering above the orange flames. The mouth was turned down in a horrible frown the brows pulled together in aggravation. "Who are you!"

"Um…I'm Beth Phoenix. We've come to ask you--"

"Silence!" Fire sprayed around the huge head. "The Amazing, Great, Handsome, Awesome, Brilliant, Mind-Bogglingly Sexy Oz knows why you have come! Step forward metalman!"

"It's tinman actually ya big fathead!"

"You dare to come to me for a heart! You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!"

"At least I'm not a freaking disembodied head! I can punch you out cold! What are you gonna do to me big bad Wizard? Ya gonna hock a loogie on me?"

"Stop it Kane, yah going to offend him and he won't give any of us any of our requests!" Cena scarecrow pulled Kane back and glared at him.

"Ah, the strawman."

"S-scayahcrow." Cena stuttered as he stumbled forward and fell to his knees.

"You have the effrontery to ask me for a brain! You billowing bale of bovine fodder!"

"Y-yes Your Honah, I mean Your Excahllency! I-I mean Your Wizahdry!

"Enough!" Oz bellowed. Cena jumped to his feet and ran slipping and sliding back to the small group nearly bowling Kane over.

"And you, pussy cat!" The Great Oz boomed.

"Ah—uh…" Noble fainted dead away and luckily John caught him. Kane tinman was closer but he was just going to let the scaredy-cat fall on his ass.

"You faggot!" Beth snarled at the floating head of Oz. "You should be ashamed of yourself! He came to you for help and all you did is scare the hell out of him!"

"Shut up! Man-azon!" Oz laughed. "The beneficent, magnificent, glorious Oz has every intention of granting your requests!"

"Wh-what? What did he say?" Noble lion asked blinking back to consciousness.

"But don't get too excited! You must first prove to me that you are worthy of my help by performing a small…very small…itsy-bitsy tiny little task."

The four waited impatiently and with some apprehension growing as Oz smirked down at them. At last his voice bellowed forth again giving them their task.

"Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Bitch of the West."

"B-but if we do that, we might have to kill him!" Kane tinman exclaimed and then pulled a face. "What am I talking about…the chance to torture, maim, and kill a McMahon? Sweet let's gooooo!" Kane pumped his fist in the air now full of excitement and ready to go fry some Bitch ass.

"Now GO!" Oz shouted making the emerald walls rattle with his enormous voice.

The four jumped frightened. Noble quickly bolted out of the throne room and flew lickety-split down the jade corridor before making a quick exit as he dove through a stained glass window.

"You know, that kind of sucked." Said Beth as she and the guys trudged through a dark forest trying to find their way to the Bitch's castle. "We came all that way and the idiot wants us to go gallivanting off to bring him the Bitch's broomstick."

"Looky there!" Lion pointed to a sign that hung lopsided and half rotted. He squinted at the painted words in the moonlight and read them aloud. "Haunted Forest, Bitch's Castle, 1 Mile. I'd Turn Back If I Were You."

Noble lion began to whimper again and tried once more to run away but Kane and Cena caught him and pushed him forward. Lion's eyes bugged wide and his lip trembled as he continued to whine in fear at what could be lurking in the eerie woods.

"Weyah on enemy ground now. You should have something to protect yourself with." John turned to Beth.

"S-she can have m'Bitch remover." Noble lion offered. His head, like his tail, swooshed around frantically watching every direction in case something horrible was ready to jump them.

"Does it work?" Beth asked as she looked around warily at the dark, gnarled trees. In one of them perched two owls who stared down at the four companions with bright, hunting, eyes. Beth couldn't help but shiver as the strange birds stared at her unblinking and surreal.

"No, it don't work…" Noble explained. "But it's great for threatenin' with."

From the darkness of the woods strange noises croaked and howled and caused the four to feel more than a little creepy. Lion trembled as he looked around the shadowy trees expecting a ghoul or gobblin to fly out at any moment.

"D-d-do ya think this here woods could be…haunted for real?" Noble lion asked. An owl hooted and he cringed.

"That's silly." Beth said as she moved closer to Kane. "There are no such things as ghosts."

"I don't know. I mean I'm not too good at thinking about things, but I think theyah could be some spooks around heyah." Scarecrow said as he kept watch on the shadows and movements. He bit his painted lips fearing he saw many angry and hungry red eyes blinking back at them.

"No, Beth is right. That's ridiculous…that's stupid--" Suddenly, Kane was lifted off the ground by some unseen force. "Wha—whoah hey!" Kane was dropped to the ground in a clattering heap.

"Oh Kane! Are you okay!" Beth and John ran over to Kane and helped the cursing tinman up. Noble lion closed his eyes tight and held the end of his tail pawing at it with anxiety.

"Oh I do b'lieve in spooks, I do I do I sure as heck do b'lieve in spooks!"

Meanwhile the Wicked Shane-O was up in the cold, damp, tower of his castle gazing at his crystal ball. In the swirling colors of his crystal he could see Noble lion clutching his tail and chanting over and over like some sort of strange prayer: "I do b'lieve in spooks, I do I do!" The Wicked Bitch cackled madly and turned to his two flying monkeys who were perched in the window sill watching the Shane intently.

"Oh you'll believe in more than spooks when I'm through with you! My flying monkeys, I need you to go to the Haunted Forest and bring me that girl and her dog! Do what you like with the others but I want her alive."

"If you desire it…" The larger of the two flying monkeys began.

"We'll acquire it!" The smaller flying monkey finished showing off his gold teeth.

"Take good care of those fuzzy slippers…I want those the most." The Wicked Bitch warned the two. "Now, fly! Fly! Get me the girl and bring me the slippers!"

The two monkeys bobbed their heads.

"It's all about the slippaz, slippaz, yeah-yeah!" They flapped their blue feathered wings and flew from the window of the castle on their way to the Haunted Forest still rapping. "It's all about the fuzzy slippaz, yeah-yeah!"

The monkeys surprised the four who were still wondering through the forest. They swooped down sending Noble flat to the ground in a shivering heap. Beth ducked and shrieked and 'Tino leaped from her arms and ran circles yipping up at the winged creatures.

"I'm going to tear your wings off, just like I used to tear wings of off pesky little insects when I was a kid!" Tinman began threatening the monkeys but before he could carry out any sort of threat they dove down and grabbed him by his metallic shoulders, flew into the trees, and dumped him down with a bang and clatter of tin. The monkeys laughed and hooted as they grabbed Cena scarecrow and threw him to the ground. They tore at his stuffing and threw packing peanuts all through the forest. Beth ran up to the monkeys and began raining down blows onto their heads. The monkeys screeched and turned on her. The larger of the two grabbed Beth around the waist and flew upwards with her. The smaller one grabbed 'Tino by the tail and the little dog yelped as he was taken up into the sky.

"Help, help! Help please help!"

Kane and Noble both picked themselves up and hurried over to Cena scarecrow.

"Oh shit, what happened to you?" Tinman knelt awkwardly next to the dilapidated scarecrow. John was all flattened and emptied of stuffing.

"They tore my legs off and threw 'em over theyah!" He waved his arms around hysterically. "Then they tore out my chest and threw it over theyah!"

"Well, that's you all over." Kane commented as he raked up some of the foam peanuts and tucked them into Cena's shirt.

"They sure knocked the stuffin's outta ya didn't they?" Lion said as he too knelt down and scooped foam peices into his paws.

"Just put me together!" Cena demanded. "We have to go find Beth!"

Kane and Noble hurried to gather stuffing and rebuild scarecrow. Time was wasting and each moment that ticked by only made them fear more and more about what the Shane-O was going to do to Beth…if they didn't come and save her in time.

Back in the castle the Bitch of the West held 'Tino in his arms and stroked the little canines fur. The dog growled at Shane showing his teeth and his dark doggy eyes narrowed and glimmered in rage that his master...er...girlfriend had been captured and treated so poorly.

"What a nice little beast." Shane-O-Bitch snarled sarcastically from beneath his pointed hat. His green face twisted up frightening 'Tino who layed his ears back and quieted his growling. "And you my pretty, so nice of you to visit me in my loneliness." The Wicked Bitch handed 'Tino to the smaller monkey and he put the little dog into a basket.

"Hey, that's my boyfriend!" Beth shouted pointing at the dog in the basket. "What are you going to do with him!"

The Bitch raised an eyebrow at the angry blond in front of her. Her blue eyes were narrowed into slits and her lips were set together in a tight little line clearly conveying the message that she was not at all happy.

"Your boyfriend is a dog?"

"Well, no. He's a uni-browed, loud mouthed, obnoxious, arrogant, bumbling, idiot, Italian." Beth explained. The Wicked Bitch looked down at the little dog who yapped at her as if in conformation.

"That's the strangest Italian I've ever seen…"

"Just give him back to me you green dumbass!" Beth hollered at the Bitch and tried to pry the basket away from the smaller monkey.

"Now calm down my dear, all in good time. Yes, all in good time…but first I want those fuzzy slippers."

"It's all about the slippaz, slippaz, yeah-yeah!" The larger monkey broke out into rapping again. The Wicked Bitch slapped him in the back of the head and he shut his mouth.

"The Fairy of the North or whatever the hell he was told me not to give them to you." Beth looked down at the ugly slippers on her feet wondering why they were such a prized possession.

"Alright, then go on and throw the dog into the river!" The Bitch commanded his monkeys with a wave of his green hand.

"No! No you can't!" Beth wailed desperately on the verge of tears. "Have your slippers I don't give a damn!"

"That's good little girl. I knew you'd see reason." Shane crouched down with a hungry smile on his face ready to take the slippers from Beth's feet. Suddenly, Beth dropped a hard elbow to the Bitch's head knocking his hat away and sending him flat to the ground.

"Ha ha! I got you!" Beth laughed smugly and a determined glimmer danced in her eyes. "That's for trying to take my dog…er boyfriend!" She quickly corrected. Shane-O began to pick himself up. He groaned holding the back of his head but Beth was not finished. The Bitch stood to his feet wobbling and Beth speared him backwards into his crystal ball. The monkeys scattered shrieking and the small monkey dropped the basket. The crystal fell from its perch and rolled around the room. 'Tino leaped from the basket and turned to yap at Beth.

"And that was for trying to take the slippers!" Beth snarled. "Run 'Tino, run and get out of here!" She turned to the Bitch who was once again picking himself up. This time she landed a low blow. The Bitch's eye grew wide and he clutched at his injured manhood before falling back to the ground in a whimpering pile.

"And that was for calling me a LITTLE GIRL!" Beth smirked down at the gasping Shane Bitch then turned on her heel to leave. She pushed on the door but before she could get out the Wicked Bitch limped up behind her and wrapped his arm around her neck. She gasped and choked and tried to wiggle and fight her way free from his hold but found that she was stuck.

"I guess I deserved a little something for my stupidity…fool that I am I should have remembered. Those slippers won't come off as long as you're alive." The Wicked Bitch moved away a few curled locks of Beth's platinum hair and growled into her ear which brought a cold chill up and down her spine. She tried to dig her nails into skin and pry his arm away but found she could not.

"W-what are you going to do?" Beth croaked as she continued to gasp.

"What do you think I'm going to do? It's just how to do it, these things must be done delicately." The Bitch dragged Beth away from the doors and threw her to the floor where she coughed and rubbed at her sore throat. The Wicked Shane-O picked up an hourglass full of blood red sand. "Unlike your pesky little dog, you will not escape me. This is how much longer you have to be alive!"

The Bitch turned the hourglass and sat it on a table. Beth watched in terror as the crimson granules of sand began to leak from the top half of the hourglass into the bottom making her time to live…or attempt escape…grow shorter and shorter. "It wont be long my pretty, it wont be long!" Shane cackled madly before dashing out of the room and locking the massive doors behind him. Beth could do nothing more but sit and watch as the sands continued to fall.

_Hope you liked the update. I just had to put Cryme Tyme as the flying monkeys lol. I'm having lots of fun with this fic. Hope you all are having fun reading it too. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry this update took so long. :) Much appreciation to all my readers and reviewers. This chapter gets a little off track but I think it is okay and not too much off. I hope you all like it. Our three heroes make their way to the Witch's (er, that is the Bitch's) castle to rescue Beth! :D_

Chapter 9

'Tino ran as fast as he could. His fury brown paws scurried over loose rock and moss and through the woods. He had just made a break from the Bitch's castle and had only barely escaped by leaping off the drawbridge as it was being raised up. He had to get to Kane tinman, Cena scarecrow, and Noble lion so he could lead them to Beth. He would save her himself, but that stupid fairy ass-hole Ric had turned him into a dog and so he couldn't do very much to help his lovely girlfriend. 'Tino at last came upon the three men. Noble lion was patting at a few lumps in Cena's clothing. They had managed to put him back together pretty well after the flying monkeys had torn him apart.

"There," Noble said poking in a last bit of stuffing. "We gotcha lookin' as purty as we can fer now, maybe a little bumpy, but I ain't exactly a seamstress."

"Don't worry about me. We've got to find Beth." Cena said adjusting his hat.

"How are we supposed to find her?" Kane scowled. "Those damn flying apes didn't leave a trail of bread crumbs for us to follow."

"Well--"

"Bark-bark-yip!"

'Tino ran over to the guys yelping and yapping a mile a minute. He was trying to tell them what the evil Shane-o-Bitch had done to Beth, but he forgot he was a dog, and unfortunately the other three didn't speak canine.

"Look! It's 'Tino!" Cena pointed happily at the little animal.

"He musta got away from them hairy go-rilla's." Noble lion reasoned.

"Yeah, and I bet he's gonna take us to Beth!"

"Now wait a minute…I don't know if he can lead us anywhere. It's not like he's a blood hound or something. This is Santino we're talking about." Kane reminded everyone. The three stood around for a few moments trying to think what was best to do.

"Hey!" Cena suddenly snapped his fingers, signaling that he just had an idea. "I just remembahed, I have a map!" He removed his cloth hat and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it to reveal a map with lines and names of places all over it.

"Well gee, I guess we best foller the man with the map." Noble lion said peeking over Cena's shoulder.

"That way!" Cena pointed proudly. A dopey grin hung on his painted scarecrow face. Cena and Noble walked off in that direction. Kane shrugged and then followed. 'Tino however, knew that they were going the wrong way and barked desperately trying to tell the idiots that they were not headed towards the Bitch's castle at all.

"My paws are barkin'." Noble lion whined after walking, and walking, and walking some more. It seemed they would never find that damn castle. Kane was getting annoyed and his rusty joints were beginning to ache from the long hike that was seeming to lead to nowhere.

"Just a little further." Cena chirped cheerily.

"If you say that one more time, I am going to shove this freaking oil can where the sun don't shine!" Kane growled holding up his oil can as a threat.

"Ya better listen to him, I think he means business!" Noble lion warned as he cowered away from Kane tinman.

"Well, the way I see it is, I don't have a brain so theyahfore I don't have a reason to be scayahd."

The three men rounded a hill and just as Kane was about to gripe some more, they all saw what they had been looking for. In the distance was a large castle made of drab gray brick. Outside was a tall flagpole with a pennant flapping in the breeze. Dark windows blinked back at them like empty eye sockets.

"D-d-do we hafta really go in there fellers? Good grief, it looks awful creepy!" Noble lion grabbed his tail and began to play with the end of it nervously.

"Go on!" Kane shoved Noble forward and the big furry cat whimpered. He dabbed at his watering eyes with the tip of his fuzzy tail. "Are you a lion or a mouse?"

"A mouse!" Noble literally squeaked. "Unless y'all have a mouse trap…that'd be terrifyin' and I wouldn't want t'be a mouse then!"

"Well, I have news for you." Kane leaned over Noble menacingly, his eyes glimmered with a spark of malice and his lips formed into a smirk. "I have a mouse trap. If you don't move your rear, I'm going to put that tail of yours in it!"

Noble took off running towards the castle afraid that Kane tinman was somehow going to pull a mouse trap out of thin air and use it to carry out his threat. Cena and Kane followed behind with 'Tino still howling and making a commotion.

The three stood in front of the castle looking it up and down. Something seemed off about it, but Cena had a map and so it must be the right place. After all, how many castles were there in Oz anyway?

"For Beth!" Cena cried stepping through the doorway.

"I don't care about her. I'm heartless but…I'd love to have a chance at making the Bitch of the West cry and plead for mercy." Kane laughed a bit psychotically and walked to the door. He stopped and turned seeing lion still standing back and wringing his tail between his paws. "Here kitty kitty!" Kane whistled.

"Th-that's n-not funny! Not funny at all…I ain't goin' in!"

"Yes you are." Kane grabbed Noble lion and dragged him into the castle. Cena was waiting inside for them looking around confused. Strange music played and as the three looked around the dark, stony, inside of the castle, a fire ball came hurtling towards them.

"Duck!" Cena yelled flattening himself to the floor. Kane did likewise in a clattering bang of tin against stone.

"Huh?" Noble lion blinked at the fire flying towards him. "Oh shit!" He scrambled to the ground just barely missing being beheaded by the flaming orb. The top of his raindbow braided hair was singed and he patted it with his paw to stop the smoke.

"What in the hell?" Kane got up and extended a silvery hand to Cena. He helped the scarecrow up but then shoved him back down again.

"What was that for?" Cena scowled at Kane and Noble helped him up this time.

"I can't go helping people up! I almost forgot I don't have a heart. I have a reputation to uphold you know."

"Fireball!" Noble cried.

This one was much lower to the ground but coming at them fast. The three of them jumped one after another like children playing some strange game and they all avoided the fireball again.

"We better get moving and find Beth!" Kane said and prodded the other two forward.

"You know, this whole thing seems like something I've seen before." Cena said as they walked on casting long shadows over the bricks. He suddenly stopped and the other two ran into him. He gave a scream as he began to topple forward over the edge of the bricks and into a pool of molten lava. Luckily two big metallic hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back from the ledge.

The three backed away from the edge panting. Lion burst into tears.

"Now what?" Kane tip-toed to the ledge and peered down at the red, bubbly, lava that was just inches below the drop off. In the middle of the lava pit was a small brick platform. Kane wondered if they could jump far enough to land on it then jump again to get across to the other side.

"Fireball!" Cena yelled and the three ducked until it passed whooshing over their heads.

"I'm making a running leap and seeing if I can make it across that lava pit." Kane said after picking himself up from the bricks. Before anyone could stop him he ran and jumped over the lava pit landing on the small platform in the middle. He steadied himself, ducked to avoid another flying fireball, then jumped to the other side landing safe and sound. Cena followed and then after some long moments of trying to persuade Noble lion, Kane managed to threaten the poor scared animal into hopping his way over. Luckily a lion is a good pouncer so he made it across the pit in one jump.

The three continued on avoiding the flying blasts of fire. They came to some more lava pits but made it over fine. The worst part was when they reached a strange thing hindering their way. Built into the floor was a metal box with a long, wand of fire balls attached to it. This long wand of small fireballs moved quickly in a circle like the hands of a clock going haywire. There were four of these in succession and the three thought they were stuck.

"Look, we have to get Beth!" Kane scowled at the contraptions in front of them.

"I think maybe if we time it right we can just run and get ovah them while the ahms are going around. Watch, I'll show you." Cena picked his way across the treacherous floor timing his steps just right since the fiery arms moved at different speeds. He made it across to the other side just loosing a few pieces of his stuffing.

"If he can do it, then so can I. Come on Noble, you're coming too."

Kane and Noble made their way carefully to Cena. They nearly got burned by one of the rotating arms when they were caught off guard by another fire ball hurtling towards them.

"Fire ball!" Noble shouted and they all fell to the floor to avoid it. Kane stood up and cracked the back of his head on some bricks that were mysteriously suspended in mid-air.

"Oooow!" He groaned.

"Hey, look!" Cena pointed and Kane looked up to see that out of the bricks had appeared a large red and orange flower.

"That's weird." He mumbled to himself. He reached up and plucked the flower, shrugged, and stuck it in Cena's pocket for safe keeping. The three walked just a bit further and found themselves at a bridge that spanned a large pit of fire. On the bridge was a strange creature with a spiky turtle like shell and they realized that was what had been producing the flying balls of fire. The creature spat one out of its croc-like mouth and the three jumped over it. The creature danced around on the bridge as though it was half-crazy. It lowered its head and ran towards them like it was going to spear them with its short horns.

Noble lion screamed like a girl. Cena punched the thing in the face out of pure instinct. It reeled back holding its head and crossing its eyes comically. Before it could recover from that blow Kane gave it a big metal boot to the face. It fell back again stumbling dizzily. Cena grabbed the thing and hoisted it onto his shoulders and then tossed it off for the finisher. The creature disappeared.

"What in the…I don't even want to know." Kane shook his head. Kane, Cena, and Noble trotted across the bridge and on the other side they found a large brown bag and something moved inside of it.

"That has to be Beth!" Cena cried triumphantly.

Noble swiped a claw across the bag slitting it open. Out popped a small little man type creature with a red and white spotted mushroom cap on his head. Cena burst out laughing finally realizing why the castle looked so familiar. Noble lion shrieked in fear, not knowing what exactly he was looking at. Kane glared at the little thing hatefully.

"I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle!" The little creature smiled pleasantly.

"You mean to tell me we just dodged fire and brimstone and almost got killed by a psychotic reptilian weirdo who woke up on the wrong side of the bed, to rescue a frigging mushroom?" Kane tinman bellowed and stomped towards the small creature which was trembling in fright. Kane grabbed the red and white mushroom man around the neck and choke slammed him. "Let's get out of here!"

Once outside Kane tore into Cena yelling at him so loud that everyone in Oz could probably hear. He had never been so infuriated in his life. 'Tino the dog just looked up at the three men with a look on his doggy face that seemed to say 'I told you so'. Kane growled at the dog and he laid his ears back and whimpered.

"That's the last time I try to help!" Cena huffed tossing the map onto the ground. Noble lion picked it up and pawed at it.

"Hey fellers, um, I think he was holdin' it upside down." Noble commented timidly.

"Are you serious? That's the last time I follow a brainless scarecrow somewhere!" Kane roared.

"Well if you thought we wah going the wrong way then you could have stopped and asked for dahrections!" Cena jabbed a finger into Kane's tin chest with a 'clink'.

"What kind of man are you? Men never ask for directions!"

"Well if you did then we wouldn't…hey…" Cena scarecrow stopped his bickering with Kane and looked around as if searching for something. "Where did Noble lion go?"

"Over here!" A voice called. Kane, Cena, and 'Tino followed it and found Noble lion sitting on the edge of a huge, green, pipe that disappeared into the ground. Above it in floating white letters were the words 'Warp Zone'. Lion held up the map proudly.

"This here pipe'll give us a shortcut and lead us t'the Bitch's castle, see?" He pointed a claw tipped finger at the map and then flipped backwards down the pipe.

"I don't know…when I used to play Mario and go into the Warp Zone it always led somewheyah nasty." Cena paused peering over the edge of the pipe and into the darkness. A moment later tin hands shoved him over and down the pipe.

Scarecrow, Tinman, Lion, and 'Tino found themselves on a bluff just overlooking the Bitch's castle. It was dark and dismal and even more horrible looking than the first castle. A drawbridge was lowered like a sick tongue poking out of a sneering mouth. Guards marched around the perimeter carrying mean spears with jagged tips and wearing tall hats. They chanted some sort of marching tune as they stepped in time: Yo-ee-oh, yo-ho! Yo-ee-oh, yo-ho!

"Wha-what do we d-do now?" Noble lion stuttered and wrestled with his tail nervously.

"We get in."

"Yeah Kane, but how?" Cena asked cocking his head sideways. "Ah, wait! I have another idea!"

"Hell no, not this time Einstein!" Kane tinman dragged his thumb across his throat in a threat.

"No, it's a great idea…I think." Cena pointed down at the guards who continued on keeping time in their cadence. "Heyah's what we do we--"

Noble lion heard something above his head and felt a few pebbles rain down into his colorful main. He looked upwards and saw three soldiers peering over the rocks at them. His eyes grew wide and buggy and he clutched his tail so tight it was painful.

"Guys! He-ey guys!"

"Not now lion, I'm trying to explain my idea!" Cena waved him away.

"B-b-but!"

The Bitch's soldiers fell onto the scarecrow, tinman, and lion. They all tumbled down behind the rocks and there was a brief scuffle, then silence. A few moments later three faces poked up and peered over the rocks. Each wore a soldiers hat, one face of fur, one face of metal, and one face of painted cloth. Now in disguise the guys made their way down to the castle. They fell into line with the rest of the soldiers and marched in tune with them.

Yo-ee-oh, yo-ho! Yo-ee-oh, yo-ho!

The tree marched across the drawbridge, lion fighting to keep his tail hidden beneath his soldier's coat, and into the castle. They huddled back against the wall as the soldiers marched on leaving them alone. They were now where they needed to be. They just had to find Beth and free her from the Wicked Bitch of the West…before it was too late.

_Hopefully most of you got the humor/joke about the first castle. If not, well it was from Mario brothers. Thank you for reading and please review! Lots of thanks to all :)_


	10. Chapter 10

_Thank you all for your reviews: Kennedy2006, Divine Arion, JackieC98, and Dark Kaneanite. Appreciate you guys so much! :D _

Chapter 10

Cena scarecrow, Kane tinman, and Noble Lion pressed themselves against the cold, stone, wall hoping to go unnoticed. The guards marched on leaving them alone.

"Now we gotta git 'er done!" Noble lion shouted triumphantly.

"Hush your face you're going to get us caught!" Kane hissed in an angry whisper and brought his metal foot down on the lion's paw. Noble wailed and hopped around holding his throbbing paw.

"Quit fighting, we have to find Beth!" Cena admonished them for arguing and wasting time. 'Tino bounced around excitedly and yipped and yapped at the three men. The small dog bounded up a set of dark winding stairs followed by a clanging tinman, stumbling scarecrow, and limping lion. They made their way through a narrow corridor where shadows danced in the orange glow of fiery torches. 'Tino stopped at a large set of double doors and scratched his paws at it.

"Arf, arf-arf woof!"

Cena peered at a sign posted on the door and read it aloud.

"Go Away. Beth is NOT locked up in this room ready to meet her fate when an hour glass full of red sand runs out." Cena scarecrow shrugged and turned away. Kane grabbed him and spun him around and he fell to the ground clumsily.

"Hey where are you going bean-bag?"

"Well can't ya read? The sign says Beth isn't in there!" Cena said in his own defense. He picked himself up and brushed off the knees of his patched pants.

"You really don't have a brain do you." Kane rolled his eyes. "It's a diversion. The Bitch doesn't want us to think she's in there because she _is_ in there!"

"So what are we waitin' for, let's get 'er and get out of this place it's scary! I wanna get m'buns movin' out of here!"

Cena pushed on the door but it didn't even budge. He rolled up his sleeves, flexed his muscles, and tried again grunting.

"Um…Cena…" Kane tapped him on the shoulder.

"Wait tinman, I almost have it!" Cena pushed harder and harder until he fell back panting on lion having not moved the door a bit. Kane turned on him with a smirk.

"Now who can't read. It says PULL." Kane pulled on the door expecting it to open freely. His smug smile melted when the door still refused to move. "What the hell?"

"Betcha th'Wicked Bitch locked it up tight as a virgins' twa--"

"Noble!" Cena clamped his straw hand over the lion's mouth.

"Tight as your ass probably." Kane bellowed laughter.

"Hey you dumb butts quit making sexual jokes and get me out of here!" Beth's muffled scream could be heard on the other side of the door. They were followed shortly by pounding fists.

"If only we had a key." Cena said. "Or…a battering ram." He rubbed his strong chin in thought. Lion pointed to Kane with a grin.

"What?" Kane stepped back and his eyes grew wide in alarm. "Oh no, oh no you don't!"

A few moments later Cena scarecrow and Noble lion wrestled Kane to the ground, picked him up, and held him like a battering ram.

"Guys don't do it!" Kane hollered in protest. Lion and Scarecrow ran full force at the door slamming Kane's head into it. The swung him back and he rolled his eyes around.

"Again!" Cena shouted.

"Nooooo!"

Crash!

The wood began to splinter a bit. Kane's funnel-like hat was stuck in the splintering wood. Cena and Lion pulled on him until his head came free and then they started ramming him into the door all over again. Finally, the doors smashed open and Kane went flying through with a scream and bowled Beth over and into the hourglass which busted and sent red sand spilling over the both of them.

"Great, I'm not even at the beach and I still manage to get sand in my crotch." Beth grumbled picking herself up and shaking her leg like a dog shaking water from its body.

"A little thank you might be nice!" Kane barked sitting up and rubbing his head.

"Beth!" Noble and Cena ran towards her and both wrapped her in a hug. 'Tino jumped up and down at Beth's leg barking crazily.

"This is no time for a display of affection." Kane said picking himself up. He wobbled a bit but then steadied himself. "We have to get out of here and find the Bitch and kill him." His face morphed into a sinister and dark expression. "My favorite part." He rubbed his palms together excitedly.

"Y'know, the Wizard didn't say we had to kill the Bitch, just get his broomstick." Noble reminded Kane.

"True, but what's the fun in that?" Kane pushed past the others intent on finding Shane and doing away with him personally.

Beth scooped 'Tino into her arms and followed the three guys down the spiral staircase and into the entrance.

"Which way should we go first?" Beth asked looking this way and that.

"We could split up." Cena suggested. "That way we could have a better chance of finding him."

"Hell no, don't you ever watch Scooby Doo? You never split up in a creepy castle!"

Everyone turned to Kane who had said this. He tried to look innocent as if saying: what?

"I don't watch Scooby Doo but obviously someone does." Cena said holding back giggles. Noble pointed and laughed at Kane who was getting upset.

"Heh, I don't watch stupid kiddie shows!"

"Jinkies!" Now everyone turned to look at something else. A short woman with red hair cut in a bob, thick glasses, and an orange sweater and red pleated skirt was kneeling by the stairs. She picked up a piece of paper and held it up triumphantly. "A clue!"

"Wow, um…I think we need to find Shane-O-Bitch and get this job done and get out of here. Things just keep getting weirder and weirder." Beth said eyeing the nerdy red head. Velma tucked the 'clue' into her bra and scurried away.

"Ah ha ha!" Shane the Wicked Bitch of the West flew down from the banister above and landed directly in front of them cackling. "Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it! My little party is just beginning!"

"Trapped!" Lion wailed. He cowered into Kane who shoved him away. He whimpered and Cena patted his rainbow main. "T-trapped like mice—er—rats!"

The soldiers with their hideous blue faces, tall hats, and horrible looking spears advanced closer and closer surrounding Beth and the guys in a circle.

"This is going to be sooo much fun! Can you imagine what I'm going to do with you?" Shane cackled and watched happily as his soldiers drew in on the group.

"Why don't you put that flame throwah of yours to use!" Cena whispered to Kane.

"It's broken, remember?" Kane held up the flame thrower and pointed it at Cena demonstrating that it was useless.

"Oh!" Cena snapped his fingers signaling an idea and dug around in his pocket. "You gave me that fire-flower that we found in Bowser's Castle! I knew it would come in handy!" Cena held up the glimmering orange and red flower and he and Kane begin to work on the flamethrower.

"Hurry! Th-they're so s-s-scary!" Lion pawed at his tail and cried.

"There there, don't cry Noble." Beth dabbed at his tears.

"I'm about to do more'n cry little girl, I'm gonna down right shit m'self!"

Beth bit her cheeks to keep from laughing. Despite the fact that they were about to be killed or tortured by the soldiers and the Bitch, Noble was just too funny.

"Got it!" Kane shouted and pointed his flamethrower at the head soldier. A fireball shot out and set his tall hat ablaze. "Ooooh, this feels so good!" Kane fired his flamethrower of like a machine gun setting soldiers on fire all over the place. Soon the whole battalion of soldiers was running around trying to put themselves out.

"Stop drop and roll!" Shane shouted to his soldiers. Cena, Noble, and Beth took off running down a corridor to escape.

"Wait, where's Kane?" Noble asked stopping in mid-bound.

"I'll get him." Cena ran back to find Kane with an insane grin stretched across his face. He was still firing off his flamethrower setting the flying monkeys and random castle décor on fire. "Come on!" Cena grabbed Kane by the elbow and dragged him away protesting the whole time.

"Aw, I was having fun." Kane pouted.

"Stop them, stop them you fools! They're escaping!" Shane screamed to his soldiers. He was at near hysterics wagging his fists in the air. "Get them, get them you incompetent freaks!"

Sizzling and smoking soldiers hobbled after the escaping captors.

The four of them ran through corridors like mazes, in and out of rooms and doors, here and there trying to escape the soldiers.

"In here!" Beth shouted throwing open a door. She blinked startled and confused when she saw a tall strawberry blond in a purple mini-dress wrapped around a half naked man. His blond hair was ruffled and his white shirt and ascot lay on the floor.

"Oh Freddie, we've been caught!" The strawberry blonde gasped pressing a hand to her lips.

"Don't worry Daphne, I have a plan!" The blonde man exclaimed.

"What in the hell?" Beth stepped back from the closet and slammed the door shut.

"This way!" Kane dragged Beth away from the door and they ran down stairs trying desperately to find a way out. Groups of soldiers ran up and down the towers and along the battlements searching for the escapees. The Bitch's screeching voice could be heard ringing throughout the whole castle.

"Get them, get them you fools!"

Suddenly, Beth, Cena, Kane, and Noble found themselves once again surrounded by charred looking guards.

"Ha! You thought you'd escape me, no one escapes Shane-O! Well, I'm going to start in on you right here, one after the other! The last one to go will see the first three go before her." Shane glowered and pointed at 'Tino who was yipping defiantly. "And you're mangy little dog too!"

"He's my boyfriend BITCH!" Beth flipped the Wicked Bitch of the West the bird.

"Hey, I'll take care of her with my flame thrower." Kane fired it up again and was ready to make toast out of Shane-O, but the flamethrower was again busted and out of fireballs. He cursed and threw the useless weapon to the stone floor and stomped it to pieces.

"That's helpful." Cena muttered.

"I don't wanna die, I don't wanna don't wanna don't WANNA DIE!" Noble sobbed.

The Wicked Bitch grinned at the four scared companions. His gaze wandered over to a torch hanging on the wall. He raised his broomstick and let the flames lick the straw ends of it.

"So, scarecrow." The Wicked Bitch turned slowly and prodded at Cena with the flaming broomstick. "How about a little fire?"

Cena shrieked as his arm caught fire. His eyes danced with panic and he waved his arm around desperately trying to put out the flames.

"Oh no!" Beth wailed. "Do something, someone help him!"

"Hey, look!" Kane pointed to a machine beside them. Beth and Noble approached the machine and saw that it was full of bottled water.

"Y'all got a dollar?" Noble asked patting his furry body as if searching for pockets.

"I have a five." Beth said pulling the crisp bill from her pocket.

"Help!" Cena begged as he tried to put out the hungry flames that crawled up his arm.

"No, it won't take a five."

"Try it." Kane grabbed the money from Beth and fed it into the slot. The machine made a mechanical noise before spitting the bill back out as if it tasted bad.

"Well how do we get a dollar? This kinda sucks." Kane tried the five again and again the machine spit it out.

"I have an idea." Beth took her shirt off, grabbed one of the guards, and started to do a sexy, grinding, dance on him. The guards watch gape mouthed as Beth started to strip first toying with her bra as she danced seductively. She pulled her lips into a naughty little pout. Cena even forgot that his arm was burning as he was taken in by her show. The guards cupped their hands over their mouths shouting and stuck their fingers into their mouths whistling. Even Shane was distracted and watching the show. Beth tore her bra away and threw it into the crowd where some of the guards started trading punches and fighting over it. The guard she was dancing on stuck some money in the front of her pants. Beth tossed it to Kane. Cena blinked, momentarily broken from the spell, and realized again that he was on fire.

"Oh shit! Heeeeelp!" He ran around waving his arms again.

"Come on, come on!" Kane growled as he shoved the dollar into the slot. The idiotic machine vomited it back again.

"It's all full a'wrinkles." Noble said and ran his paws over the crumpled money trying to straighten it.

"Oh hell! Move out of the way!" Kane tossed Noble aside and started to assault the machine with hard lefts and rights.

"Stop him, stop him from getting that water!" The Bitch yelled. The guards all grumped and grumbled as Beth found her shirt and put it back on. They ran towards Kane who was still fighting with the stubborn machine. Suddenly the machine spewed forth bottles of water and they rolled across the floor tripping all the soldiers who fell and stumbled over the bottles and each other landing in a big heap.

"Oh, hey." Noble noticed something on the wall.

"PUT ME OUT DAMN IT!" Cena screamed still running in circles.

"I can't get the cap off!" Kane yelled as he tried and tried to pry open a water bottle.

"A fire extinguisher!" Noble pointed to what he had noticed on the wall.

"You have GOT to be effin' kidding me!" Kane threw the water bottle to the ground and stormed over to the wall. He tore the red extinguisher away and fired it up burying Cena in a mountain of white foam.

"You idiots!" The Wicked Bitch screamed and stomped towards Kane and Noble. "You dumbass soldiers! I have to do it all myself!"

"Oh shut up for once!" Beth grabbed the extinguisher from Kane's arms and turned it on the Wicked Bitch and it sputtered its last bit of white foam into his face. Shane stumbled backwards clawing at his green face, his pointed hat fell to the floor and when he took another clumsy step backwards he flattened it.

"Aaaaaack!" He collapsed onto the floor and seemed to melt out of his long black robe. "Oh, oh I'm melting!" Shane tilted his face up to the four companions in horror. "You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!? Ohhh! Look out! Look out! I'm melting! Ohhhh! Ohhhhhh...."

The soldiers and the three men and Beth stared down at the smoking robe on the floor. Shane had just melted away into nothing! The head soldiers turned his wide eyes on Beth who realized she still held the fire extinguisher.

"Oh, um, it wasn't me!" She shoved the red object into Kane's tin arms with a clatter.

"Hell no, unfortunately I wasn't the one who killed the Bitch!" Kane tossed the extinguisher to Noble who caught it.

"Aw, shucks folks." He looked down at the extinguisher for a few moments then back at Kane. "Hey, wait a minute, I didn't liquefy 'er either!"

"You, you killed her!" The guard stepped forward to Beth.

"Well…no one will really miss him…will they?"

"Hail Beth, the Wicked Bitch is dead!" The guard bowed to one knee. The other guards followed suit picking themselves up from the mess of littered water bottles and then bowing.

"Hail Beth, the Wicked Bitch is dead!" They all shouted.

"Now he wont wave that stupid broom at us anymore." The guard muttered.

"Oh, the broom! Can we have it?" Beth asked.

The guard looked up at her and smirked with a slight blush warming his blue face.

"Only if you dance for us again…"

"Come on guys, let's dance!" Beth grabbed Kane tinman and started to dance on him thrusting her hips. Noble lion and Cena scarecrow shrugged and started to grind on each other. The guards gathered in a group and filled the castle with their cheers and wolfish howls.

_Heehee, what a crazy chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it I had a lot of fun writing it. I hate vending machines when you can't get your money to go in and while Cena's arm was on fire? Just the worst time for that sort of thing lol. I don't know my brain is so random…Velma and Freddie and Daphne lol. Well I'm thinking the story will probably have one or two more chapters then it will be done. I think I'll be a little sad… :( R&R please!!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Last chapter of Wiz of Raw…I am kinda sad…I really like this fic it was so much fun. :) I hope you have all enjoyed it as much as I have. Thank you for all of you out there who have read and special thanks to those who have reviewed: JackieC98, Kennedy2006, Divine Arion, and Dark Kaneanite. Please enjoy the last chapter…_

Chapter 11

Beth, Kane, Cena, and Noble found themselves back in Oz. The four walked proudly down the long green corridor than led to the throne room of the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The second time around they did not cower and quiver with fear but their strides were full of purpose. 'Tino held his fury head high and proud and scampered along beside the four. Beth found herself smiling with joy that in moments her friends would have their requests from Oz fulfilled and she would finally be able to go home to RAW. She would be so glad to get there she might even grab Shane and kiss his feet…maybe.

The group entered the throne room, before them was the large, disembodied head of the Wizard smoking with orange flame and green smoke. The deep, menacing, voice of Oz greeted them rather skeptically.

"Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?"

"Please sir." Beth started stepping forward boldly and tossing her platinum mane behind her. "We did what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Bitch!" Beth bent and laid the confiscated broomstick on the emerald floor. "We killed her with a fire extinguisher! Ha!"

"I see. Very resourceful." The Wizard mused.

"Yeah, so we'd like you to keep your promise to us…" Beth narrowed her eyes and shook her fist at the huge, hovering, head. "Or else…"

"Not so fast!" Oz bellowed. "Not so damn fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow!"

Beth's mouth fell opened shocked at Oz's response. Kane slammed his tin fist into the wall with a clang and cursed. Cena frowned and slumped sadly shaking his head. Noble surprised everyone by stepping up and grabbing the broomstick and throwing it at the head of Oz.

"Ya promised ya yeller bellied coward!" Noble roared.

"Do no arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz!"

Even 'Tino was upset about the Wizard's decree. He yapped noisily at the talking head and was going to run up and pee on it, but something caught his eye. 'Tino saw in the corner of the throne room a small area partitioned off by a green curtain. He had a sneaking suspicion about what might be behind it. He mustered his courage and ran yipping towards the curtain. He grabbed the corner between his teeth and snarling he pulled the curtain away to reveal the back of a man frantically pushing buttons and moving levers at a type of control station.

"I said come back tomorrow!" Oz shouted. Smoke and fire belched around the green, scowling face of Oz.

"If you were really great and powerful you would keep your promises!" Cena shouted wagging his finger irately at Oz.

"If ya don't get Beth back to RAW then I'll set your as—well—you fucking head on fire!" Kane threatened with a happy sneer.

"Do you presume to criticize the Great, Awesome, Powerful, Handsome, Wonderful, Oz? You ungrateful creatures!" Oz spat. Flame roared around his head. "Think yourselves lucky that I'm giving you audience tomorrow, instead of--"

The man behind the curtain looked over his shoulders. His lips were curved downwards in a frown, his blue eyes widened when he realized he was reveal. He turned back quickly to the controls and spoke into the microphone.

"—instead of twenty years from now! Oh, oh no! Eh, he Great, Magnificent, Beautiful, Miraculous Oz has spoken! Oh, oh shit!" The man at the controls grabbed at the curtain glaring at the dog and trying to shake the drapery free of the dogs mouth. "Pay no attention to that dumbass behind the curtain!" He finally tore the curtain away from 'Tino and slid it back to conceal his secret. "Go now, before I lose my temper! The Great Oz has spoken!"

Beth stormed over to the curtain thoroughly pissed off. With one motion she grabbed it and pulled it so hard it ripped from the rings and it fell into a crumpled rumple on the emerald floor. The man at the controls turned to Beth and nearly crawled on top of the controls frightened as she grabbed his green shirt in her fist.

"What is the meaning of this!" Beth snarled. "Who are you?"

"Well—ah—I-I I am the Great and Powerful…and Wonderful and Handsome and--"

"Just tell me who you are you faggot!" Beth slammed the blonde man into the controls.

"The Great Jerich-Oz." He smiled, rubbing the small of his back. "Ow…"

"You are?" Cena asked scratching at his head and regarding the man distrustfully.

"Yes. I'm afraid I am the only wizard." Chris flashed Beth a smile but she didn't seem to like it.

"You humbug!" Cena shouted.

"You're an awful person!" Beth spat, angry tears filling her eyes.

"Now, wait a minute. I'm not an awful person, just a very, very sucky wizard." Chris confessed. He shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "Eh…"

"Ya damn well better be a good 'nough wizard t'send Beth back t'RAW!" Noble growled and showed his claws.

"Well geeze, don't yell at me!" Chris pouted sticking lip out and blinking his eyelashes innocently.

"Don't yell at you? But it's okay for you to yell at us!" Cena snorted. "Hypocrit."

"I am not!" Chris shouted.

"Who cares, what are you going to do about getting Beth home?" Kane shouted even louder than Chris.

"And Noble courage!" Cena put in.

"And Cena's brain!" Beth said giving the scarecrow a hug.

"And that there Kane's heart!" Noble said laying a paw on Kane's hollow chest.

"Well, you don't have to worry about me." Kane said removing Noble's paw roughly. "I said I don't want a heart!"

"Are you serious?" Chris asked surprised. He eyed the four in front of them and saw that they were definitely serious if not verging on irate. "You grieve me! You can have any of those things. See scarecrow, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain!"

"Heh, except for Cena here." Kane snorted nudging the scarecrow who turned and scowled at him with his painted on eyebrows.

Back where I come from we have universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got! A brain scan!"

"A…what?"

Chris rummaged underneath the control panel and found a large sack underneath. He dragged it out and stuck his arm into it looking for something. He brought out a paper and handed it to Cena who burst out in a huge grin. He waved the paper around excitedly.

"Oh joy! I have a brain!" Cena pressed a finger to his temple and put on a thoughtful, serious face. "The sum of the squayah root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the squayah root of the remaining side. Yay!"

"You dumbass!" Kane said snatching the paper away. He showed it to Beth and Noble who stifled their giggles. It was a crayon drawing of a squiggly looking brain, it looked like it was drawn by a three year old. At the bottom in glittery letters were the words 'Cena's brain'.

"Give that back!" Cena protested reaching for the paper. Kane held it above his head and watched him hop for it like a kid trying to get his ball back from the bully. "That's my brain scan! It proves I do have a brain!"

"That's your brain." Kane said and tore the paper into tiny shreds and threw them into the air and watched them ran down like confetti. Cena started to cry.

"Eh, maybe I should have given Kane the first gift…to show him he really does have a heart." Chris mumbled patting scarecrow's shoulder sympathetically.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I do not want a heart!" Kane rolled his eyes, and if to emphasize his not needing a heart, he ground a bit of Cena's paper brain scan image into the emerald floor.

"As for you, my fine furry friend…" Chris ignored Kane and turned to Noble. "You're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their uniforms out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But they have one thing that you haven't got!"

"A gun?" Noble asked hopefully.

"Eh, no not a gun." Chris rummaged in the bag once again. "Awards!" Chris pulled out a vest with patches and handed it to Noble.

"Wow…looky there at all the patches!" He clapped his paws together excitedly.

"Let me see!" Once again Kane killed the joy by snatching the gift away. He burst out laughing, bellowing so hard tears leaked down his tin face threatening to rust the joints of his jaws stiff…which might have been a good thing. "Ha! This isn't a heroic uniform, it's a freakin' Girl Scout's vest!"

"What?" Noble snagged the vest and examined it more closely. "Why would y'give me this, I ain't no Girl Scout!"

"Well…it was the closest thing I had." Chris defended. He decided to ignore Noble's sadness at receiving a Girl Scouts vest and instead decided to tackle the issue of Kane's heart. "As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart!"

"No I don't." Kane deadpanned.

"You don't know how lucky you are not to have one."

"Yeah, yeah I do. It's fun being heartless…or else I couldn't do this." Kane stamped his foot down on Noble's paw causing the lion to hiss in pain. Kane just laughed. Chris ignored the mean gesture and just went on.

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. I could have been a world figure, a power among men, a successful wizard, had I not been obstructed by a heart." Chris said laying his hand across his chest.

"You have a heart? That's laughable." Beth smirked. Chris frowned.

"Yaddah yaddah, who cares." Kane said waving his metallic hand around. "Just get on to Beth and get her home."

"I'm not leaving you out." Chris said reaching into the bag.

"Well I doubt you're going to pull a beating heart out of there. Probably something dumb like a locket or something." Kane grumped.

"No, I don't have a locket…but that would have been a good idea. I don't have a heart either. But I do have…" Chris grinned as he pulled a full grown man out of the bag. Beth started to giggle and Kane slapped himself in the head. "Heartbreak!"

"Kane!" Shawn Michaels stood before the group grinning arms spread wide and opened for a hug.

"Don't touch me!" Kane snapped.

"Aw, you don't mean that!" Shawn wrapped his arms around Kane in a hug.

"I'm dying…I'm dead…this is horrible!"

"It you don't want him, I'll take him." Cena said wiggling his eyebrows.

"That's kinda weird there scarecrow." Noble said raising an eyebrow.

"Cena!" HBK released his grasp on Kane who shuddered disgusted that he had just been hugged.

"Shawn!" John and Shawn hugged and then to everyone's shock began to make out.

"Well." Beth bit her lip feeling awkward.

"…um…hey don'tcha got anything fer Beth in there?" Noble asked trying to ignore Cena and Shawn's passionate display.

"I don't think he has anything in that bag that can send me home." Beth said disappointed. Her eyes actually teared up at the thought of not being able to return to RAW.

"Not in the bag. But I do have a hot air balloon. That's how I got here." Chris explained. "See, I'm an old RAW man myself. I used to have a little trailer where I astounded people by wearing awesome glitter and telling the future while eating yummy hotdogs."

"Eating hotdogs…haha!" Kane snorted.

"You have a dirty mind." Beth said, but laughed anyway.

"Well I'm ready to go. Let's get the hell out of here then!" Beth said linking her arms with Noble and Kane. "What are we going to do with them?" Beth jerked a thumb at John and Shawn who were rolling around on the floor.

"Let's just leave them." Kane said. "Please, let's leave them!"

"I wonder how that's gonn turn out?" Noble mused before leaving the throne room.

"What?" Beth asked curious.

"Well, Shawn and Cena. Do scarecrows have a weiners?" Noble asked. The others just cracked up laughing.

Out in Emerald City the residents were a buzz with rumors that the Wizard was leaving Oz. They found this true when they went to the town square and saw a huge hot air balloon set up ready for take off. The people gathered around in there green clothes and strange hairdo's. They pointed and gossiped about the Wizard, his balloons, and his strange companions.

Chris climbed into the balloon and looked at it warily.

"I hope this works." He mumbled.

"Don't worry." Kane said overhearing his comment. "Just talk at it, that should provide enough hot air to keep it going."

"Come on Beth, better get goin'." Noble said smiling at her.

"I know it's wrong but…I'm going to miss the way you used to run with your tail between your legs before you discovered your courage." Beth said sniffling a bit.

"Aw, I'll miss y'too Bethy." Noble gave her a kiss on the cheek and she stroked his rainbow mane lovingly. She left him and moved on to Kane.

"I'll even miss you a lot Kane. I'm going to miss how even though you insist that you're heartless, you helped me through all of this." She pressed a kiss to his silvery cheek, surprised when she noticed it was wet with tears.

"I…I must have a heart…at least a small one…it feels like it's breaking." Kane said wiping at his tears. "Come here you!" He nearly strangled Beth in a huge hug.

"I'll miss Cena most of all." Beth said. She looked around for her third friend but remembered he was with Shawn. "Oh well…I won't miss him that much."

Beth turned to climb into the basket on the hot air balloon but suddenly, 'Tino spied a hissing cat tucked under the arm of a woman in the crowd. He leaped from Beth's arm and chased the cat through the crowd.

"'Tino!" Beth shrieked and ran off to catch the dog. Meanwhile, the balloon rose into the air higher and higher.

"Hey, you have to stop it!" Kane yelled.'

"Get 'r down!" Noble yelled.

"I don't know how to work it!" Chris called back helplessly rising higher and higher. Beth grabbed 'Tino and ran back to Kane and Noble and watched as the balloon disappeared into a tiny dot against the blue sky.

"What am I going to do now?" She slumped against Noble and started to cry. "I'll never get home!" She wailed hopelessly.

Suddenly, the crowd gasped as a pink bubble formed out of nowhere and floated on the air moving closer and closer to where Beth, Kane, and Noble stood. The bubble transformed into The Good Ric of the North. He adjusted his pink crown on his head and used his thumb to wipe tears from Beth's cheek.

"Woooo!" He shouted. The crowd copied his cry and some held up signs saying 'Thank You Ric' and 'Dirtiest Player in the Game' and other signs of support. "Ah, they still love me." Ric said and started to walk around the platform in a motion like a choo choo train. He knocked the lion down and put him in the figure four.

"Hey!" Kane yelled grabbing Ric up by the throat and giving him a good chokeslam. His crown toppled off his head and cracked. "What are you doing? Aren't you here to help Beth?"

"Oh, I got carried away." Ric said picking himself up and brushing off his shimmering, poofy, dress. "You ruined my gown." He growled to Kane.

"I'll ruin yer face if y'don't help Beth!" Noble roared getting to his feet.

"Well I can't help her. It's up to her, she's had it all along." Ric pointed his wand down at Beth's fuzzy slippers.

"These ugly ass things?" Beth said blinking down at them.

"Yeah. You just click the heels together and say 'there's no place like RAW' and wah-lah! You'll be home." Ric nodded.

"You idiot!" Beth smacked Ric across the face and suplexed him into the crowd. "You could have told me this when I was back in Munchkinland!" She shouted.

"Hey, I want in!" Kane grinned excitedly.

"Me too!" Noble tackled a random person in the crowd. Soon the whole crowd was fighting with each other. Jadedust had came out of the salon and he turned to the barber, Jeff, and the two began to brawl. Finlay and Hornswoggle were in the crowd dressed all in green as were the rest of the Emerald City occupants. Finlay ran after people clubbing them with his shillelagh and Hornswoggle ran around cackling madly and squirting Emerald City residents with his water gun. Finlay found the door guard in his fuzzy green hat and gave him the Celtic Cross.

"Wrestlemania Emerald City!" Someone yelled.

"Hey, stop it!" Beth shouted. People stopped reluctantly and stared at Beth. "Geeze, I am so ready to get out of here." Beth held 'Tino tight in her arms. She started to clack her heels together, then stopped. She opened her eyes. Ric had tapped her on the shoulder. She looked him up and down, his beautiful pink gown was all ripped, dirty, and tattered.

"Don't you want me to turn Santino back into a human first?" He asked giving the dog a scratch behind the ears.

"Oh…I suppose so."

"Bam!" Ric exclaimed and waved his wand. Beth shrieked, 'Tino was still a dog…but he was now a blue dog. He looked up at Beth and whimpered sadly.

"There there baby." Beth comforted.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Ric bit his lip. "Want me to try again?"

"Er, no. I kind of like him better as a dog anyway." Beth kissed 'Tino's blue head and closed her eyes once more. She clicked her heels together. "There's no place like RAW…there's no place like RAW…there's no place…like…"

Beth opened her eyes slowly. Her surroundings were blurry. She pressed a hand to her head and felt a wet cloth across her head. She blinked a few times to clear the fuzz away and was surprised to see that she was in a concourse at the raw arena, lying on a bench. People crowded around her looking down at her concerned.

"Beth!" A familiar, gruff voice barked at her. "It's me, Mr. M. Wake up Beth."

"Oh, Mr. M, it's you!" Beth shrieked happily. Another familiar voice greeted her.

"Hey there…are you doing okay?"

Beth turned her head to see Chris kneeling beside her still in his ridiculous turban and glittery pants.

"I heard the Glamazon got knocked in the head as result from that big storm." Chris smiled down at her and patted her shoulder. "You seem okay now."

"Yeah I think she's okay." Said Mike Adamle nodding his head in agreement.

Kane, Cena, and Noble came up happy to find Beth finally awake. They all peered down at her smiling.

"She got quite a bump on the head." McMahon said moving the cloth to reveal a large goose egg. "We thought for a bit that she was going to leave us!"

"But I did!" Beth exclaimed touching the bump on her head gingerly. "I tried to get back for days!"

"You were just unconscious and probably had some weiyahd dreams." Cena offered. Beth cracked up laughing.

"You made out with HBK." She said pointing at John who turned bright red.

"That is a weird dream." Chris mused. "Kind of kinky…I like it."

"Shut up. You were a wizard."

"I bet I was a frigging awesome wizard too!" Chris puffed up arrogantly. "I would so rock as a wizard!"

"No, not really. You blew." Beth said remembering the Great Jerich-Oz. "It was so real you guys, you have to believe me! You were all there!"

The guys chuckled.

"Santino was there too!" Beth looked at the faces around her for support or confirmation but just saw smiles and skeptical smirks. "Hey…where is Santino?"

"Here-a I am my little ravioli!" Santino ran up to Beth and her eyes grew wide. He was…blue!

"I told you! That happened in my dream, Ric turned 'Tino blue, only he was a dog!"

"I'm-a no dog!" Santino defended.

"Ric had nothing to do with it." Kane said laughing. "Genius here got into Hardy's hair dye and dyed himself blue. We call him Smurftino now."

The group burst into laughter again.

"It doesn't matter." Beth smiled taking Santino's blue hand and kissing it. "I'm here, and all of you are here, and I love you all and—and I'm just so happy! Guys, there's no place like RAW!"

_Beth made it home to RAW :) Oh, and I lied. There is a short bonus chapter._


	12. Chapter 12

Bonus Chapter!

"I know it was real, I just know it!" Beth slammed her locker shut and slung her bag over her shoulder. It had been months since she had went to Oz and met scarecrow, tinman, and lion. Everyone else had assured her that it was nothing more than a dream brought on by her being knocked unconscious by a piece of debris from the tornado. "Melina, I know it was real."

Melina shrugged and pulled her dark hair into a pony tail.

"Why don't you just knock yourself out and find out?" Melina suggested with a little smirk on her face.

"I can't just knock myself out."

"I can do it for you." Melina suggested.

"What?" Beth turned to Melina just in time to see a fist flying at her face…and the locker room spun until everything went black.

"Not again!" Randy poked Beth with the toe of his buckled shoe. He shook his head. "Wake up!"

"Huh?" Beth woke up to see a Munchkin Randy Orton bending over her. His face was twisted into a scowl yet he looked so cute in his red shorts with suspenders, striped socks, and buckled shoes. He held a giant lollipop over his shoulder.

"Wow, hi Randy. So…it was real. I knew it was." Beth said picking herself up. "Wow, you have a really big lollipop Randy. I never noticed before." She said eying it.

"Oh yeah, I do." Randy smirked. "Wanna lick?"

"Perverted Humpkin." A familiar voice said from behind her. Beth turned to see Ric wearing a pink suit with tails and a pink tiara.

"Muchkin you idiot, Munchkin!" Randy corrected desperately.

"Humpkin, Pumpkin, Fuckin'…whatever." Ric rolled his eyes, waved his wand, and turned Randy into a possum with striped socks.

"Do you do that often?" Beth asked watching Ric's wand intently. "You know…you have a pretty big wand don't you?"

"Oh yeah I do baby, woooo! Wanna lick?" Ric asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"Men." Beth rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, bad joke. Do you want to see your friends?"

Beth clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Yeah, I want to! By the way…why did you lose the dress?" Beth asked as she followed Ric.

"It was too itchy." Ric said. "Come on and step into my bubble."

A pink broomstick appeared in front of Beth and Ric. The broomstick had black speakers that vibrated with loud bass and big silver spinners.

"Wow, what happened to the bubble you used to use?" Beth asked stepping in.

"Bubbles are so 1930's." Ric said. "Broomsticks are all the rage now. So are some t.v. shows from your place…like 'Sex in Emerald City', 'Survivor Haunted Forest', 'CSI Munchkinland', and 'Pimp My Broomstick'. So I pimped my broomstick like that show, cuz I'm Ric Flair and I'm pimp-a-licious. Now climb on my stick ho and we'll go for a ride."

"Climb on your stick?" Beth giggled.

"Wooo!"

Beth and Ric hopped onto the broomstick and flew to Ric's house which was the Bitches old castle.

"I just had to buy it." Ric gushed. "I put it on 'Flip My Castle' to get it redone and it looks fabulous!"

Ric took Beth into the castle and showed her around.

"So…where are my friends?" Beth asked.

"Oh…well…I got tired of them. Kane was always setting everything on fire after he got his flamethrower repaired so I turned him into a toaster."

"A toaster!" Beth shrieked. She walked over to Ric's marble countertop where she saw a shiny toaster. "Kane…is that you?"

"Don't worry, he still gets me back. He always burns my toast." Ric shook his fist at Kane the toaster.

"Well what about Noble?"

"Oh. The lion's in the den."

Beth followed Ric to the den and shrieked. On the floor was a rainbow rug that looked a lot like Noble lion flattened out by a steamroller.

"What did poor lion ever do to you!" Beth shouted and slapped Ric.

"Well, I like mirrors so I can always look at myself and see how hot I was. Lion kept roaring so loud all my mirrors would shatter so I turned him into a rug. It matches wonderfully and he doesn't make a peep."

Beth stooped down and pet the poor lion's mane.

"Don't tell me you did something to Cena too?" Beth stood up again and looked around the room to see if she could spot anything that might have formerly been Cena the scarecrow.

"He got on my nerves too. He was always making out with Shawn. I turned him into a beanbag chair."

Beth slumped onto the couch feeling sad.

"What about Shawn?"

"Oh, Shawn, come here Shawn!"

Shawn came running into the room happily and wrapped his arms around Ric.

"He's just too cute!" Beth gushed.

"I know…he is too cute. I think I need to turn him into something else too."

"No Ric, don't!"

Ric waved his wand and POOF!

"Well…he's certainly not cute anymore." Beth said licking her lips.

"Sexy!" Ric said practically drooling.

Ric had turned Shawn into a scantily clad pole dancer, complete with pole. Ric waved his wand again and music played "Pour Some Sugar On Me". Shawn grinded against the pole and danced seductively on the pole as the song thumped out.

"Ah." Said Beth as she leaned back on the couch and watched the show hungrily. "There's no place like Oz!"


End file.
